Love Can Be So Selfish At Times

2011-12-19T23:41:00.001+08:00

PEOPLE, PLEASE STAY TUNE TO MY BLOG. i still blog, ONCE IN A WHILE. haha

2011-12-04T23:10:00.003+08:00

Yes, i know i'm not pretty.(Phrasing it in a better way, not"ugly") But i don't need your constant reminding. So, yeah. i don't care. I can hide this inside one side of my heart, so that i don'y show my ugly side. I'm trying to show my "pretty" side. If you're my friend, you wouldn't judge me on that, right? But if you do, i rather i've never met you.

Yesterday, we celebrated dee dee's birthday earlier, and it was indeed fun at first, because we went ice-skating. I fell twice, but trust me, i enjoyed it because they taught me how to skate. I don't mean that the previous 2 times were not fun, just that i gain something other than fun for this trip. After that we headed to marina square for KBOX/BUFFET, although, its a bit ex, but i think its worth the money, because its only a yearly event, a special day for her. So, why not. I mean, i'm willing to do that for my friends, even my family.

Talking bout family... Mum's being nice. Spending money on those things that i want, but in the end, i told her i don't need it, its only my wants, she looked at me and asked if i'm sure of it, i just nodded my head and we walked off, bidding farewell to my wants. The show" the scent of a woman" Real nice, and learnt something from it, live your life to the fullest, and really, i don't wish to have any regrets in my lfie. i mean those real regrets.

I think i'm giving myself too much stress, stress over daily grades, daily performances in class, classmates told me that i'm so different in class and out of class, i'm so quiet in class, when i step out of the class, i'm different. yes, because, poly's studying atmosphere is so much different compared to secondary school, i used to have so much fun in class learning. But now, i'm just keep forcing myself in class to focus. And i'm really apologetic to my friends, i ignored them in class. =( shall update again. stay tune

2011-11-25T21:34:00.004+08:00

Life...has been going uphill and downhill. I don't know what's wrong with me, but all those things that happened have certainly left a huge impact on me. And that... affects me, my mood, my attitude a lot.

Mum was saying that i can't give people present, and that i wouldn't wish that my friends have bad luck. I wish i don't believe in that, because what i want, is to buy a present that i use my effort to choose and then hand it to them, seeing their smile. But now, i can't. And the feeling of not being able to give them anything, makes me feel as if i'm using that as an excuse to not buy anything. I hate it.

Because of school, i've been unable to spend time with Friends Evaz. I miss them. But i feel, nothing changes without me. That's a good sign, i'm glad. Because i know that at least that's me.. without me, its the same. But the memories, will always be kept inside me. Always.. School'd been so stressful. UT1 just ended, the week after will be UT2, thanks so much rp. Thank you. even my facilitator was like" omg, 2 exams, i don't like". See?!

I feel so stuffed up inside, its like i have so much kept within me, but ijust can't organise my thoughts.

2011-10-01T00:52:00.001+08:00

Stress. Result, was terrible. GPA:2.80. Shitty. I know i've tried my best. But that wasn't the case for bro, well, poor thing. Because of that incident, it made the whole family feel so scattered. I hate this. Dad, why can't you understand? Why must you be so stubborn? The strong, manly brother i have, actually cried over the phone, his voice tells everything. That was what have been troubling my liitle sister for days, she even cried out of sudden, the usual her who cries so easily, i asked her why, and she replied" i pity brother, he's suffering, i don't like dad" I just told her" dad's just dissapointed, fustrated, angry" And i just kept quiet.

Brother talked to me over the phone, he told me" you can study one, i know, now it's on you, i now work to help both you and sis to study"...... Many more. I cried the moment he said those words. I just cried. But i can't cry in front of my sister, so i just cover myself with blanket.

No matter what, they're my family. Met dee dee to chat, although i wanted to chat longer, i know its dangerous, i don't want the same things to happen, that stupid damn stalker who followed me home, and made me cry because i was so scared, because it was GOD DAMN 3AM at night, and i was totally the only person walking. Was happy that Vicky wrote me a letter. =)

Today was nice.=) i have such great friends comforting me. Thank you, my friends~

2011-09-21T23:38:00.002+08:00

Met up with Dee dee today. =) Loved going out with her. hehe. Everytime i look at the G-dragon stuffs that she gave me, my smile will always be there. I'm blessed with such nice friends around me. Dear god, i'm cherishing them, please bless them.

Mum's real nice to me, she knew i can't eat hard stuffs, and she cut fruits for me, i looked at her and pushed it back to her, without second thoughts, she took the fruits inside and cut it into smaller pieces for me. i looked and just smile to myself. I wanna hug her, but well, my family isn't that open. But we all know it inside us.

Hammy, i miss you. How've you doing? I love you. The only hamster that i have a real stong bond with. R.I.P. Helped sister with her "Friendship" project. Saw all those quotes about friends, friendship.

Thank you my friends, thank you mum, bro, dad, sis.

2011-09-13T22:05:00.002+08:00

Urgh, wanted to go tmr for meichin's birthday. It's meichin birthday, a important day. And because of what happened yesterday, after extraction went to deedee's house and i'm like feel so sick until almost fainted. yeah, the reason,freaking reason why i can't go out tmr to Wild wild wet tmr with them.

I REALLY WANNA GO. =( mY TEETH.....IS REAL UGLY NOW. trust me. Especially after what vicky told me just now, saying that my teeth the other time had a huge hole when i smile too widely. I feel ...somehow hurt. That sucks. Really. The pain is PAIN!!!

Well, so vicky told me she cut her hair, like almost the same length as mine, this reminds me of something. =.= Yeah, some knows, some don't know. Yeah. so she cut her hair. I'm not cutting until the end of f1, just cutting the fringe is enough.

And,well, i'm rather worried for the banquet part for F1, i hope i don't meet customers that are difficult to handle. Haiz, i feel miserable. I can't go tmr!! WAH LAO!

School

2011-07-22T11:03:00.002+08:00

Heylo!
School's been fine. So, it takes up 5 days of each week, thats a lot.
And, well, meet up with friends. =) Watched Harry Potter 8 with Si xian and Meichin. Ate Chocolate melt for the first time with DEE DEE. All these meet-ups, always in my memory.
Because its important to me.

One day, gonna spam meet-ups. Because i always enjoy myself when i'm with them. And a lot of the "first- time" in my life was with them. First time watching movie with friends, first time going kbox. many more.

And now, UT3 is coming~

FML

2011-07-11T08:00:00.002+08:00

Hey peeps. i'm back.

ARGH,my life. Horrible, screwed up. So, yeah, like what i wrote on my twitter, my mum thing, forget it. She's always like this, just that this time round its a bit more serious. I really need to learn how to cherish my friendship. I don't even know what i can do. My mouth, the words that comes out of it is hurting, and i always regret it after the words comes out. So, like this morning, i think i angered Shi hui. Like totally, i always never fails to add some quarrel to our conversation. I don't even know what comes out of my mouth, or should i say it didn't even go through my brain.

Starting to get worse, my emo condition. crap. Stupid primary school life. It certainly left some impact on me. Totally. Tang shi hui, i'm sorry. Vicky, i'm sorry. I said some terrible words yesterday. I think i'm getting more and more starighforward and i hate that, i rather keep it to myself.

Gonna buy formal wear soon.yeah, soon. Now i think about it, somehow, my character is somehow caused by my family.

Ps: that's not gonna be the end..

Thank you..

2011-06-27T21:58:00.002+08:00

Hey! I'm back like after ...idk. Anyway, school was fine, there's nothing else to say because my life have been revolving arounf school. So, went to school and yeah, i got a D for maths UT.Nice~
Was rather dissapointed. But for cognitive and problem solving, i got an A! I like!
Science got a B+. I'm fine with it. =)

Please ,make sure my communication and OB pass. Please. UT 2 is like just next week. can you imagine? And look at me, sitting down here, blogging instead of studying.So, i met dee dee!! Damn happy. =) It totally raise my mood until THIS HIGH* points up* Yes, that high. =) I know i didn't show it. But its inside. OH, SHE GAVE ME A BIG BANG CALENDER. yeah, jealous? too bad. I tell you, i have been keeping the things she gave me. =) I kept it, but i can't guarantee i can find it. But i'm very very surei kept it in a safe place. =)

So, there's free coke being given out today. =) hehe. So, class was alright today. But its maths tmr. sucks. ok, shall post again!

Think positive

2011-06-20T22:11:00.003+08:00

Camp basically ended. Two camps, one after another. I almost died in class. Was so exhausted that i could hardly focus in class and help in the group work. But i find it worthwhile for the SNCO camp and Junco. I did my best in both camp. Trying my best to perform my duty well. Since secondary one, i was hardly given any chance to be the I/C ,only once for junco.And i've never really planned any activities or events before in my entire secondary school life.

So, i know that when i come back to help sjab, i will definitely face a lot more problems. And indeed, it happened. Unable to help Mdm iris and Sir kenneth when i can see that they are really really busy. And i know i'm not a good instructor, but i tried to. Unlike other instructors, they're good instructors. Like sir kenneth and mdm iris, who have been guiding me since i was in secondary 1. They're the one who helped me and listened to me when i have trouble doing and completing tasks. And i wanted to be like them. But, i can't. I tried other ways and i believe i did changed compared to last time. Not speaking at all. Received feedbacks that i'm not loud enough and i'm somehow mummbling to myself. That comment hurts me. i didn't know i have speech problem. I was literally shouting.

Well, Delta have now become instructors, they're good. Till now, i respect every senior instructors in evss and i try my best to be as formal as possible. Simple request to book out and i gained back a very cold look and asking me to wait till she change her clothes. That made me stunned. I realised, i may have to find out the cause of this, a junior talking to me like this. wow. That is alright, but before that i was having some emotional problems, so i was already at the tip of my head, and thats it. I just walked off. Because i know she's a instructor already, i can't do anything much but to wait till i calm down another time.

Congrats, vernesa and junkiat. last long! I missed my friends. I missed the times where Bravo07 is still tgt in sjab. I won't feel out like now. Now, i have only vicky, justin and ruyi that i can really talk to. Okay, maybe just vicky whom i really really can talk to. When vicky's not there, i can only find mdm iris or sir kenneth. But after yesterday, i can't lift my head up to even look and talk to them. Have to reflect on myself and keep improving.

ps: dee dee, i know.. how it feels, so trapped, wanting to talk to them but you can't now. And you just can't forget about it. But remember, there's no point staying like this, being upset for them, if they treat you as friends, they'll contact you and apologise . Thats what i feel. or else, they won't be bothered' I know that what i say maybe useless, but thats what i feel. you still have me.I'm sorry that i can't stay by your side.

vicky, we've been through so much together, and till now, i can still remember, and i can understand and feel how you are feeling.Don't worry, we'll improve ourself and lets notthink of the negative things, we have to improve, tgt.

My life

2011-06-08T00:52:00.005+08:00

Yeah, my life. Now its halfway through my holidays. Its going to end on 12June, so i'm going to grab every sleeping time i have before the camp on 10 june, this friday. Because i know i'm going to die in the camp. '

So, met up with kaiwen, kailing and shi hui on monday at HQ to buy stuffs and in the end no stocks again. zz nvm, went to help others to buy. Then headed to shaw to watch X-MEN first class with kailin and shi hui . I like that movie~ Next movie - priates of the caribbean(provided i have time with meichin they all) our holidays doesn't meet each other. zz So, today meet up with frenz evaz, started to feel unwell, i think its because of the instant noodle i cooked for my self. Then went to north park to meet and we like back to secondary school days, played and played at the playground. =) Then headed back to evss, it was almost empty. No teachers, i think i was literally emoing. Then i really can't take it although i wanted to stay with them longer, its hard to find chance to meet them. So, i walked and then heidi and vernesa came over to accompany me. thanks guys.=)

Luckily they accompanied me, because i knew my leg will turn wobbly, this happens all the time. Everytime i fall sick, it always involves vomiting , vision blurry, extreme headache and breathless. And mum says its like indigestion or something relating to my gastric. Then i struggled through the jorunry home, vernesa was trying to support me, and comfort me,=) i know they're worried cause heidi keep turning back to look at me. Thanks for your concern.This little things can make me smile when i think of it.Because i only experience it when i'm with them,when i'm with my true friends. Then i vomited at the void deck. That's the worse thing ever. I thought i will be able to endure it to home but... My unglam moment .haha. But i don't mind this infront of my friends, friends i know won't mind about this but care about me. =D.
But still, its like infront of dunman sec. Vernesa ran all the way up to get my sister for tissues, heidi stayed with me.

I know how disgusting it is. I, myself was like ewww. Imagine me in her shoes, i will feel like puking too. Man, undertsand how i feel? having nice, awesome friends? jealous? Meichin and others were still at the school bbt shop, phew, lucky they were there. Or else i really will feel paiseh.

Dee dee~ where are you~ haiz...T_T.

Ps: Friends add colours to my life, from black and white to rainbow~

Holidays~

2011-05-30T23:00:00.004+08:00

School today was... I don't know why but the atmosphere is so dead. Maybe because many people was not in class today, skipped school to be exact. LOL. I can't study i na too quiet and dead environment, that's not suitable for me, in order to study efficiently, i need a more warm and active envrionment, like in lower sec, funny and interesting way of studying or else nothing goes into my brain.

Met up with Vernesa, Jun Kiat, Eric , Mei chin , Si xian , Weixin, Heidi and Jaslene. So Heidi and Jaslene went home first, jaslene injured her leg, hope she get well soon. Then after that went back to bedok reservoir, the place where si xian and i first saw our korean idols, U-KISS! Stood there and refreshed our memories. =) Then after, Weixin , meichi nand si xian headed home. Then, the rest decided to have dinner together with my mum, cousin and sister. LOL. We did not sit together of course. haha, sat with my friends. Its been a long time since i met up with them. Was happy when Vernesa ran towards me and hugged me, saw hui luan at the inter and she hugged me too. Si xian hugged me too. AWW.. =)This hugs make my day, although i was a bit, just a bit rigid. Cause i don't really know how to react when people do this to me.haha, but i appreciate it in my heart.Even if i spend a short time with them, i still cherish every single moment and its as if we met up for a long time, because there's no gap between us. No communication barrier. I miss dee dee =(. Haiz...

Dee dee...=) I saw your blog, i wish so too. If that happens, it'll become a good precious memory.

So, took sometime to change blogskin and won't change so fast. Now, i have to plan my time carefully. Wanted to take more pictures but they don't want to. Next time, my friends, when i request for photo taking, i'm being serious. That shows i really want to take it with you guys.

Ps: i love you guys.. Remember memories with you guys is etched in my heart.

[HD] FT Island - Hello Hello [Full] MV

2011-05-25T22:11:00.000+08:00

My school life~

2011-05-25T22:01:00.002+08:00

Have been going quite well in school, just that the facilitators are acting weirdly towards my class. One of them is like against us or dislike us. haha, but that doesn't matter cause we are changing faci soon. haha. I guess she can't take it and so request for change.

Anw, UT was alright, its cool to take test online but problem is, i have to pray hard that my com don't give me trouble. So, have been wanting to go shopping online,i know how already, but problem is, i don't have website, trustable ones. Natalie they all helped me to know how, gave me one website but that website isn't enough. But thanks nat, weiting and minhui. =) Miss dee dee they all, saw the pictures they took. =) Can see that they enjoyed! good thing.

So, do anyone have trustable webs? hehe. i need them. haha. I love my class, as in they're nice. Hao lian right? i know. =p So, met up with vicky yesterday, just for a while but its good enough. Snco course day this saturday.=.= friday maths UT, die die die. dee dee...vernesa they all.. haiz, miss them. Vicky said she missed me too. aww, so many people miss me. I only feel this way with my secondary school friends.=) People, do well ! take care my friends, stay happy. If theres anything when you need me there for you, tell me immediately, i'll be there. even if i can't, handphone, 1 phone call away. =)

Ps: i love you guys. =)

In my heart, i know.

2011-05-22T01:30:00.003+08:00

POP was ..woohoo. But i didn't mange to join the parade but at least get to sit at the spectators side to watch my OTC mates do it. Because, i vomited 5 times while they were having rehersal and trust me, it was horrible. My hand and leg is like numb. I joined them for the change of rank and also the throwing of beray.Everyone literally screamed and hugged anyone they see. aww..a totally touching moment.

Although its happy that we got our rank- finally! But i didn't manage to go for AH family anniversary. What a failure i am. I can't even appear ... haiz. After that chiong back to evss, oh ya, sir yong qing, sunita and shi hui came for my POP. sir jian wen, sir boonho and sir william too. I almost fell down right in front of zone commisioner when he was about to shake my hand. HOW EMBARRASSING. I have been rather blur, or rather clumsy.Was spamming phototaking all the way and then evss, thanks sir and mdms! hehe, they were having training and so, was forced to wear full-u again for last parade. Sir said that they are not selling the old Pit anymore, its the new one. ewww..

I know my friends evaz and ah family are doing well.right? Of course they are. haha. I wish them all the best. I hope to see you guys soon! man, i really miss them. seriously. How ifeel , you guys don't know.

After that was dinner. Everyone was dressed up so nicely. I almost can't recognise some of them, so pretty~ The guys looked smart in their formal wear. haha. So, 2 buses were called to sent us to Seletar Country Club, a nice place with nice scenary. The food was alright, haha. Vicky and i was being sabotaged to become the , pass the award to cheif com and he pass to the award winners. haha. But it was a great chance for me, because i seldom go up on stage. Thanks charlene, oh ya, charlene was gorgeous, vicky was *whistle*. My sir was literally looking at each girl, saying this one hot that one hot also. I stared at my friend who was just smiling while listening. Everyone was busy with phototaking, since no one asked me, i just sat down at the table alone and people started caring about me, awww, they're concerned.=) I was just emoing.haha. I miss them.. Today was like the last day i can see them. All different zones. see you soon, OSCAR.=) Thanks mdm tiffany. for the notebook she gave us. Oh, i received hugs , many of it today.=) even from sir kenneth. LOL. Don't think wrong.

Was happy to see mdm and sir in school. But i do feel distant from corp stuffs.Camp coming soon, UT is on monday. shit. Shall study.

I saw, i knew. But...

2011-05-17T19:55:00.003+08:00

Yes, i have been so so busy and tired. Maybe thats the real poly life unlike what people always say- slack, easy life. All fake. So, i met up with deedee !! hehe. I'm so happy to see her, but i can't express it. Because iwas so so tired. Sorry deedee, wasn't in my best state. We ate ah wang i think , ultra spicy. there was like fire coming out from my ears and mouth. shiok. I was literally moving my body like some earthworm, moving here and there, too hot.

We took pictures!! its on facebook! =) I really couldn't bear to bid farewell when i board the bus, i just don't want to part, my heart was like sank to the bottom , the most bottom. Then i waved and ...haiz. SUCH a short meeting, it made me miss her more. =( Told vernesa and si xian to blogged, and vernesa blogged! =) Because i know that only if they blog, i would be able to know how they are doing, and also if they need me, i'll do my best to be there for them even if i couldn't stay with them. Met meichin, si xian, wei xin, jaslene, eric and jun kiat yestd at TP, we literally hugged and showed how much we missed each other. But sadly, vernesa went home already or else i'll hugged her until she can suffocate.Heidi too was not there. Saw mardiah and nadirah after that. awww.. Was having SJAB meeting there and i keep running off, haha.

Saturday is POP, omg!! I wish i will pass, please! After that around 5pm, it will be dinner, have to wear formal dress, die. I need some make up man, or else i look like some ghost. I'm still thinking if i should wear contact lens, because i want to look my best on saturday, because that will be the last time i see my course mates, my instructors. gosh, don't make me cry on that day. I don't know if i look better with specs or contacts but i'll think bout it.=)

UT is coming, understanding test. shit! The song that represents my feeling now, I WISH YOU WERE HERE, AVRIL LAVIGNE.

Yes, i wish my firends were here, i missed them. That's because they're my true friends. I read dee dee's post, could really understand how she is feeling, the pain..She must have teared, surely will. But yet, i could only just sit in front of the computer and do nothing. But i know she also needs personal space, i can't interfere her things everytime.

Hey,=) maybe after reading this, you'll feel better. I want you to know, i'm always there, really, just one message, anything, i'll rush there. Even if i can't, i'll talk to you on the phone, as long as i can, i'll do anything once you tell me you need me there , as a friend, as a sister. My shoulder may not be broad, but it should be enough to place something there, a pillow on it for you. hehe. Friends, you know who are true, who's not. they don't know, but i know, they can't see who's the true one, i can see. And i know too.

So, i still feel so empty when i think of Friends evaz. But all of them, when i'm with them, its nice to talk to them, i feel like theres so many things to talk about. =) SHIT it, ican't go for ah family anniversary. die!!!!! how how?!!!! I have to at least appear for a while. I missed so much already.

Mixed feelings.

2011-05-10T22:06:00.002+08:00

Feeling so stuffed up inside me, its like i can't breathe. I guess i know why. I have been too stressed up over grades, my friends get A, i get C, that makes me panick, and also I have to complete CE points, something like CCA points, and i stress over that. Then there's sjab, i do like SJAB, well that's the reason why i sign on right? But i guess i overestimate myself, i thought i will be able to handle things well, but i get stressed up, when i thought of the things i have to complete. I'm having like low efficacy, high neurotism.

I have to change, i know. I will calm myself down, then think of how to manage my time. That's what i will do. If i want to stay, i will have to ownself solve my own problem. Have been tweeting recently, and most of it about my fashion. My friend, jasmine, was telling why i was tweeting about sad things, my fashion, when i look totally alright. Well, thats because i have friends who are pretty, wear anything but still look gorgeous. Normal girls reaction .LOL. vicky, like you sia. No wonder we friends. =) Have been acting weirdly, i can't control what iwant to say, like i get upset easily, and when i say out what i want to say, i regret it. But sometimes what isaid is just a joke. Its like i'm totally not me.

DEE DEE! look here! <3 HEHE. Thursday, there's a adventure learning module, it require me to climb the high element, trust me, i thought my horrible times have past, now i have to do it in poly! You have no idea how much i'm scared of height, especially with like only a few ropes hanging. I can just stone there and not move. Hope i'll have fun. Wore shorts today because it's freaking hot, really hot. Luckily i wore shorts, or else i melt.

POP on next sat, 21st may. I can only invite 2 people. And there's a lot of people on my mind. But in the end, i plan to invite my dad and sir kenneth or mdm iris. Because if my dad is not coming, then i'll invite both of them, because they have been with me for along time, hehe. They guided me from sec1 till now. SEE. I wish my dad will come, i want him to see, if my mum don't care, at least my dad sees it. And i want mdm iris and sir kenneth to see it too, they'll understand how i will feel, proud of my rank(i still don't know if i passed or not. ) Told vicky to invite one of them, because her mum's not going, so which means each of us can invite one of them. =) just nice. But i told her to invite other mdm and sir also, she thought of sir yq and sir jian wen. haha. I was thinking of mdm huiting, mdm yanteen and mdm xingjuan. Did i miss out any? NO.haha.

Crazy already. My mum said i seemed to be skinnier, what?! She said i was a bit FATTER last time. Itold her that if she know my daily routine, she will be like me, wait for bus, board it and stand all the way from tampines to woodlands. Then walk a long distance to school. Then sit the whole day and crack your brain doing ppt, then present then home and do RJ. =.=

I can die. When i'm in the bus home, the people in the bus will always be sleeping, because most of them are students from RP, like me, dead beat. And they can sleep damn long, like unconscious . UT is coming. How?! Study! I miss my friends.

Ps: I will keep saying that i miss my friends to show how much i really do miss them. =)

If you can, promise me never to leave me alone.

Fashionista~

2011-05-07T22:58:00.002+08:00

I need some changes, i need to learn to dress up. My friends like vicky are becoming prettier, i used to help her find clothes to dress up, now i think i'm the one who need help in dressing up. Such a failure. So, today went down to HQ and it was empty only with the SNCO people. Meeting and then went to bedok point to have lunch with charlene and kai lin, its the first time i ate with them. Like friends like that instead of sjab mates.

Then i wanted to find dee dee, but she was nowwhere in sight. so walked of sadly. Then bought tickets for movie "FAST AND FURIOUS"!! Nice movie, i liked it. Watched with yong jun, jun hao, jun jie , vicky, shi hui and ruyi. Although theres only 7 people out of 14 in my platoon who came,i think its good enough. Took just one picture before heading home, and i looked super ugly inside. horrible, i always look horrible in photos. Totally not photogenic. Next time i have to close my mouth and smile to the camera, and result in a ultimate fake smile.

So, i had fun with my platoon mates. Its been quite a long time since i met them and so, there was a bit awkwardness at first but slowly we became to talk like last time, no barriers. =) I LOVE BRAVO 07. hehe. Deedee!!! Oh, and i saw JOANNE at bedok point too. Such a coincidence. haha, happy to see her! Now i see her, i hope to see others too. Getting busier and i don't know if i'm able to go for activities like Junco camp. Theres so many things to stress about. What to wear, do i look nice..blah blah.

Pain sia.

2011-05-05T22:21:00.004+08:00

Fell down twice while climbing stairs these few days. first was in front of a group of guys,totally embarrassed, luckily wasn't wearing skirt. So, school was alright so far, just that the concepts that are taught are getting a bit tougher to understand.

Talked just a while with dee dee online and i was damn happy. Trust me, my classmates were asking me why i am smiling to myself. =) Who cares? hehe. Its also quite tiring, long distance to school and back home,. My leg are complaining to me already. I CAN FEEL THEIR PAIN. haiz, no choice. I'm running our of clothes to wear, iwant to wear those nice dresses, but...it seems to be unsuitable for me. haiz.

I miss my friends lah, let me see them leh. So many singlish in my blog. haha. There's a girl called madeline ng in my class who looks like me, or should i say we look alike until my friends can't differentiate us apart, how exaggerating. But thats the truth, same hairstyle..Yeah... haha.

2011-05-02T22:46:00.000+08:00

Stupid! I can't get to my blog!

2011-05-02T22:32:00.001+08:00

Is my poly life just gonna be like this? Everyday's schedule just like secondary school? 8.30am starts, 3.30pm ends. Not only that, everything i do is different from my friends from other polys. Had sjab meeting on saturday, quite a long one and theres more to come, not only that i got more to learn compared to when i was still in school. Its been a long time since i touch paper work in sjab, operational schedule, lesson plan all these. And now with my current 2 postings,i have to learn to write Minutes. Yeah, like a secretary and then send it out. Sir kenneth was the one who did the latest one and woah, it was very very detailed. like wow.

I was wondering if i could ever do something like that ever in my life. Ok, then well, finally met up with vernesa they all. I missed them, and eric joined in our group. All of them are in Tp. =( haiz, and so, i had a quarrel with my mu because she thinks i have been with them and been outside too often, lol, i only went out with them twice. TWICE. And i don't know when i can meet them again. She just won't understand this point and said that my friends are more important then family. I kept quiet because i know what she's trying to imply. I didn't want the quarrel to get worse and i talked to her blah blah, and things are settled. I cried while quarrelling, that's me. I cry when i get angry and when i tried to scold the person. I don't know why but meichin they all know it and they know what to do when that happens. And that is to just keep quiet and leave me to clam down on my own. haha. I thought things will get better instead it got worse.

I checked my grades and saw it, the latest one was for Maths module and i first time got a C. And i hate it, was real angry inside me, and i just kept thinking what wrong did i do, i did particIpate, i did contribute, is it because of my reflection journal? And i thought, ya, should be. Because i was writing all my weaknesses on the rj and what i wrote was that "i'm a slow learner blah blah, please be understanding and have patience for me." because the question was something like what would you want your faci to know about you. Crap. I drank a huge mouth of water and it did help to cool me down, that is why i say water is my medicine. When i cry, i drink damn lots of water, when i'm angry i drink a lot of water too.

Now i miss dee dee they all. =( When can i see them. When? I keep having negative thoughts of myself, ugly blah blah. But my brother, dee dee they all, always manage to encourage me. Thats why, (gosh should i say this?) I LOVE THEM! (my god! i can't believe i'm typing this, but at least i typed it out not saying it)=) i feel like changing blogskin because i can't change the font for the words.

Is it really going to be like this?

School? Idon't know

2011-04-28T23:02:00.002+08:00

I don't know how to dress up, i think i'm ugly, i think i'm stupid..and a whole list of weaknesses of mine which i think could never be able to change it. And now one more, ultra blurness. My brother is totally speechless about this. He just shake his head and say"your blurness is horrible, no cure"

But it doesn't happen everytime, its when i'm real tired and lack of sleep. My brain will be like not thinking.

So, everyday i stress about what to wear to school, and somemore my clothes are like towards the casual , not feminine side. How sad. I told my mum i need some dress, she shoot me back "you can't wear those dresses, those dress are for girls who are gentle and those lady-like ones, you wear those kind weird weird, PLUS, you don't have the figure, don't have the looks, what can you expect yourself to wear? Want buy clothes wait until you're out in the society." I got pissed and just walked off.

sad~ i miss them.

God, please bless my friends, i wish they are happy and not like me.

2011-04-25T18:08:00.002+08:00

Now i don't know what's wrong with it. What's wrong with staying in the library to complete my 4 important daily work after school? Its my studies, i know i end at 3.30pm and always do my work until like 6pm and reaches home at 8pm+. I do know all these. But i prefer staying in the library then studying at home, its quieter and the atmosphere is more relaxing. Look at my home, when i get home, you guys shout here and there even after i tell you guys to lower your voice, then you guys on the tv like nothing happens.

Thats when it pisses me off. I tried explaining to you guys, you think i don't know i live very far away from RP? At least i have Jin hui and Shi hui to stay back with me, if not why would i bother to stay back? My other friends are like in other schools already. And i know in my heart that i won't have so much time to be with them. And now i only have the two HUIs. Now, even in the same poly, i also have difficulty going for a simple lunch together with them. Its only after school do we have time to go together.

If i don't spend enough time with them, do you know i will go back to the old me, i'm just starting to open up. I'm doing this all because of what? Of course its my studies! If i don't participate in my group work, my grades, in the end, everything is graded. Every single thing is linked with grades. Do you know how stressed up i am? Just on the first day of school, i'm already like in year 3. I'm doing my best to make you guys proud, i set my target , to get into university. At least i know thats the only thing i can make you guys proud in.

After meeting deedee yesterday, i feel so much better seeing her being alright, adapting well to her school. =) I still don't know her school well, but i know she'll do well in school and get to poly soon with joanne and others. jy! As for vicky, i could somehow understand what she's going through now. Like a gap between her new friends and her. Its like that. And i don't know how i can help her when i'm so near yet so far away from her. It would be so great if i can help her like i used to do, even if i can't help, or be of any use, at least i can give some ideas, opinions or advice. But now, i can only look at the messages she send to me. I hate being a useless friend.

I wish that my friends are all doing well and being happy with their new friends. While my own are alright and my family will understand what i am doing. I know i don't have much time to spend with my sister, but i know she'll understand that i stilll love her, although i put on a eveil mask. Well, i won't be able to listen to her troubles if she need me because i return home late everyday and she has her own work to complete.

Why must it end like this?

Christina Aguilera - Hurt

2011-04-24T00:07:00.000+08:00

I think I'm trying too hard in poly to try and get a A for my grade, trying to perform well. Because everything i do in RP, all ends up in my grade and that's could be why I'm so kiasu now, everyday thinking about grades and my classmates are like so worried about their grades, i can even feel the aura, the strong competitiveness. Because my school of hospitality especially my course, Hotel and hospitality, its very very competitive. All this scares me every time i think about it.

I guess, that's when i start to have difficulty managing my time, resulting in me, now, unable to have a proper talk with friends, family. My lesson starts at 8.30am everyday, just the travelling tires me and then 3.30pm it ends and i will have to stay in school to complete my daily compulsory work: peer and self evaluation, a quiz and a reflection journal(RJ) ,total 4 stuffs. So, by the time i completes it and head home, it be around 8pm+.

And today, i realized, my mum and dad is getting weaker, and they suddenly seemed to aged so much, my mum used to be able to stand for hours without complains, my dad can used to walk normally but now, my mum have to find a seat every half an hour because her legs and feet hurts a lot, my dad now walks with a bit of a limp. When i see that, my heart just sank... and you guys know the feeling?

And also, i promised my friends, i promised to attend everyone's birthday, but see , what did i do? I didn't go to Yiling's birthday! What kind of friend am i? I think i'm not even regarded as friend. I wished i could go, i wished i could join in, at least be there even though i always just sit at one corner and just watch them happy. Just minor stuffs can make me feel so miserable, how bout this one? Unable to go to a friend's birthday is a major thing for me. Because i'm rarely being invited to birthdays. And when i was invited to Dee dee's birthday, no one knows how happy i am. Because i don't show it. But i always remember it. So, now to me, friend's birthday is important, of course mine too. Mine is when mum will say happy birthday! in the morning when i wake up, every year.I feel so miserable, guilty..I told my mum that i wanted to go friend's birthday, but she wanted me to go to the temple. I know my mum's health is ...so i didn't want to argue with her. And when dee dee called me today, i really didn't dare to speak..I heard her voice, i know she sounded like dissappointed. If they let me pay the cake money, at least i know i at least have a small share. But i did nothing. Nothing. And its yiling's 18th birthday. 18TH!! see how important it is?

My god. I'm so sorry. sorry.I'm so scared of school. Heard from people that i looked haggard after First day of school. Just imagine its just 4 days of school and i already look half dead?

My friends not with me, only shi hui. Just going for lunch stresses me up. I don't know who to go with, this kind of minor stuffs kills me. Shi hui or new classmates? Shi hui have her friends too. And now i have sjab stuffs to do too. I guess i won't sleep well tonight.

Please god, please let me get through this with someone's help.

School!

2011-04-21T23:36:00.002+08:00

Well, started school. At first was not used to it, but now quite ok. So, everyday theres a module ,then after that end and head to the library to do my Reflection journal, peer and self evaluation and quiz. That's everyday's life. Every single morning, the bus 168 is always freaking full. one shot come 4 buses also all full, can't get in. And i have to stand all the way from Tampines to Woodlands, imagine how tired i am by then.

Today was a bit special, took a taxi with shi hui and jin hui, which is like 24 bucks, each paying 8 bucks. My money! Everyday i reach home around 9pm and have been bumping into yong jun they all in bus 293, missed them as in friends..Been a long time..Heard about vicky and i so long never see her!

Thought about dee dee they all, and i can just sigh. cause i missed them so much! Meeting tmr. I want go yiling's birthday ! I feel so bad, sorry. sorry! So, lunch in school was like with classmates cause shi hui have her own work to do, and i followed them when i told them i was alone, and today they were all waiting for me and i didn't know and just went to find shi hui to eat tgt. Thank you classmates! I'm glad that i have nice classmates. Tired~ Reach home at 9pm+ today.

fuck!

2011-04-18T22:55:00.002+08:00

Freak you dad. Because of a margarine, you scold and yell at me over the phone. What the fuck is your problem?! You happy happy smile to us, not happy shout like we your what? Always like that, i'm already exhausted because of school. Now what? I can't adjust to the environment yet and i'm already mentally and physically tired, why must you still do this. ALways!!!

Heard from people that i grew fatter and when i hear this, my mood is like at the lowest point + i'm tired, how worse can it go. I'm like literally became a walking zombie. I miss my friends.

RP orientation...

2011-04-16T22:41:00.002+08:00

Well, RP orientation was abit better than what i expected. So, quite ok. But i can say the food is far worse than what EVSS can provide. I suddenly feel that EVSS is good already. So, basically nothing much, the last day was jam and hop, which was boring, very boring. As for today, went down Macpherson Secondary for AFA, as invigilator for CPR. Took many people, all passed. =) Who like failing people? I can only say evss need more practice on CPR. So is other corps.

I miss my friends so much. Really.. I used to see them everyday in school, and i like go anywhere also can see them. But now, i don't know when i can see them, even just a glimpse. And i suddenly feel sad.. That i have to be so far from my friends. And i'm scared i won't be able to handle school and friends. I don't want things to happen like i have school work to complete and is real busy and my friends whom i have not met for months asked me out and want to meet. Thats when i start to get real stressed out and if i can't handle properly, i'll let out my emotions. Tears of anger , why i can't handle things well?

So, know about RP. DAILY STUFFS: 8.30am must reach school, so by 7am i should be in bus 168 or else i'll never be able to get up the bus. Then, Reflection journal(standard, a must) , Some test, worksheet... Just a lot of stuffs i dislike doing.

I don't know when, but you guys will always be with me in my heart.=)

Orientation.

2011-04-13T20:47:00.002+08:00

Orientation was...alright. Woke up early morning and met up with shi hui and jin hui at 7.30am. Travelled there and headed to school. My wonderful school, prohibited us to wear shorts which is above the knee which means that only shorts that is below the knee is allowed and it can't even be called shorts. No slippers allowed too for my school. So, was grouped with others and made friends, actually just 2 or three friends out of 20+ people in my group. Then we headed to have station games. Which was quite okay cause everyone's spirit was quite low..

Lunch was horrible, the rice is dry , i almost choke on it. And worse of it, by the end of it, i was tired.very tired. The bus interchange was full of people, bus 168 was like full people queuing out..School of hospitality was quite popular for this year's batch. They restricted our wearing, all to wear black attire tmr. Sucky right? They're pure evil. Know my class already and all of us were in different classes. great. Groupmates and instructors were having a nice time laughing at us, because when they played the game, they realised our name were easy to remember. SHI HUI, SZE HUI AND JIN HUI. lol!

My classroom is like on the 7th floor. W47D. Which means building W4, 7th floor , classroom D. LOL!! Well, since i chose this poly( not what i actually wanted) , i just have to continue and study hard. They said if anyone is late, 0.5 mark wil be deducted from GPA. Heard thats a lot. See, evil, strict school. East view also not like that. I really freaking hell need a mp3, just a mp3 to help me survive. Gonna buy one!

2011-04-12T22:30:00.002+08:00

I SAW HUI LUAN, YILING, JOANNE, HUI LUAN, DEE DEE AND MINGTECK TODAY! haha, went to have dinner with mum and sis at tampines mart today. First, saw levancia(sp) there. HAHA, smiled to her, i shy lah. Then wanted to buy things and saw deedee! hehe, at first didn't see her in front of me, cause i cannot recognize her in her uniform.Her uniform is nice. Like cool~ Cause its all white. hehe. I was damn happy to see them. Actually wanted to hug back dee dee but you know, i'm not really the kind that will do that, it takes a lot of courage to do that.

Hehe. But when they gave me a hug, my heart warmed. =) But i could sense awkwardness.. Attending yiling's birthday. Because so far, i've attented everyone's birthday, so.. i can't possibly skip her birthday for other events right? so, i'm gonna make myself free on that day. Hehe. Please, let me pass the exam. And make the orientation a fun one. haiz..

HEHE,i'm still happy now. cause i saw them .Finally all at once. God fulifilled my wish. sounds like i'm dying. choy....

What's gone is gone

2011-04-12T18:19:00.000+08:00

My friends said i'm stupid, for choosing Republic poly. For not trying to appeal for Tp. But i told them, my family forced me to get into rp. It wasn't as if its what i want. I never wanted to get into rp. Although my friends told me not to think about it so much, i just can't forget about it. I wanted to get into tp.With my friends there..nearer to my house. But like what my family said, rp isn't that bad, just the distance and journey.

But to me, its not that simple, it means that i have less opportunity to see my friends,their school's in the east,mine in the west. And in a total new environment. Haiz, hope to see my ah family asap. hehe. Skipped lunch for few days because i don't want to go out to eat alone. So, i rather starve and i can't possibly eat instant noodle everyday.I love going out with my friends, i'm always happy going out with them. I always enjoy it. And going out with them makes my day. Even a simple lunch with them, makes me able to talk to them about my troubles all that. I love them.

Ah family..most of them are in the same school. Must enjoy schoool!I'll shall try to enjoy, haha, keep thinking the negative side.I love Big bang sooo much! Their new song, Tonight, Love song and Stupid liar.

Sentosa~

2011-04-09T23:30:00.002+08:00

Well, went to sentosa beach for the first time with vernesa, jaslene, meichin, weixin, si xian on thursday, 7april. It was fun. And the sun was damn scorching hot. All of us literally got sunburn. HAHA. Well, nothing much to say but its fun! We all wore the same tanktop but different colours. I only wore it just like that because its not revealing and covers main parts.

On friday, went to republic poly to collect my laptop. So, brother accompanied me and we headed there, i got my computer configured while bro waited outside for almost an hour. So, imagine how sianz he was. hehe. Then headed for lunch at the canteen and got back to Tampines, met up with sister and had dinner with mum too then home. I actually wanted to go down to school for both days but was unable to do so. I missed so much sjab activity in school.

I miss dee dee and ah family. I remember going out with them was fun..I don't know when can i do that.=( School's starting, their school's starting, we're gonna get busy with our own stuffs.zzz. sianz. Exam today, and i hope i can pass..Please!　

2011-04-08T01:04:00.001+08:00

i'll be back! I'm sorry for not posting, because i'm busy with things, laptop to collect from poly and studying for exam this sat. so, sorry!!! I promise i'll update. WISH ME LUCK!

What's wrong?

2011-04-06T22:20:00.003+08:00

My emotions...I'm acting weird these few days. I lose my temper easily, and i talk to people in a loud voice and i didn't even realise that, making people thinking that i'm angry and in a bad mood.

Maybe because i'm stressed up with OTC course and also school, which is starting soon. I'm sorry friends, if i had done any of the things mentioned to you and i'm sorry if i like ignored you...

Today went back to school to collect Olevel certificate. I was very late, made dee dee wait for me. I'll never change this stupid habit of mine, keep making people wait for me BECAUSE I'M LATE! sTUPID ME LAH! So i rushed to school , ok trying to rush the bus.. Dee dee..pretty leh~ hehe.. Then waited for vicky to come. I'm sorry for making you wait with me. forgive me?=) I admit i didn't control my temper and my emotion and also my expressions when vicky came. I'm sory vicky, for like showing my anger at you. I'll change. Really, i will. Mum says i'm a bit rough in terms of the words i use. I'm trying to change. To erase the words: 妈的. zz. i don't know when i started saying this 2 words.

Please do kindly remind me. =) Then went to eat and came back school for the full dress speech day rehersal. At that time, i feel a bit lost. I don't know how to talk to both vicky and deedee at the same time. I'm trying to talk to both and i know vicky is like always walking off or walking around so i tried to talk to vicky and in the end i almost forgot dee dee, standing alone. SORRY...

I went back to dee dee and talked to her. Then she took photos of the condigents. I went to sjab room to place my stuffs and explained to vicky about my problem, like trying to talk to both of them at the same time. I'm glad that she understood me and told me that its ok. I know my friends are DAEBAK! Best! They always understand me and forgive me. I'm really happy. That i have great friends. Dee dee stayed in school to watch the parade, at first she didn't want to, but i wanted her to stay..i'm selfish...I know shes going to like meet her bf. But i hope she will stay at least a while, cause i don't know when i can meet her again. School starts and .. we're in different school, i don't want it to be like my primary school friends.. Once school starts, they totally forgot me, maybe the first few months is ok, but after that no more contact.

I don't want that to happen, especially when i'm so close to her. I'm so much closer with my secondary school friends. I'm like attached to them, i mean in terms of feelings... Its difficult to part with something when you're attached to them right? Yes, thats me. When i give my heart to that person or like i really want to be close with that person, i will do it and i only do it when i know the person well and i know that person feels the same. Its has always been hard for me to open up to people, since young. But because of sjab, i changed. I tried to talk more and also because of my friends. If not for them, i wouldn't be what i am now. I know i'm blessed enough, to have friends as close as sisters. Real blood sisters.. Even when she have sisters, i treat them like my sisters too, although i'm don't know them well.

I know she does too. We love our sisters, we love each other like sisters. I love my friends, my family. (my hamsters too.=)) Sometimes, i gets accused wrongly, i may try to explain myself but when it doesn't work, i just let it be. Theres no point.

I'm sorry for leaving you alone at there.. I came out of sjab room and went back to parade square. Luckily, dee dee bought her camera( jealous) . hehe. Then hangying they all wanted to take picture with me, i was happy.. Cause they wanted to take picture with me. I'm always happy when people wants to take picture with me. cause that makes me feel like i'm wanted..at least thats what i feel. But i always push them away..because..i think that i'm not worth enough or i think i'm not photogenic and the photo won't look nice with me inside.

Seeing ALPHA, i'm happy.. I know that they feel proud when they see the platoon they take doing well. They'll understand how i feel. One of them told me they read my blog. And i guessed right. DEEDEE!!! Don't like that lah..=) I shy sia, the whole platoon read it! OMG! When they told me, i'm like blushing on the inside of course. But my face was calm. muahaha. calm. Saw them march , thought of last time... I was in Guard Of Honour too. Ok, i screwed up on the day it self. haha. cause i was distracted. Yeah, i get distracted easily. I have a exam on saturday and im using comp here. Actually wanted to go down for AFA revision tmr, but i promised to go out with vernesa they all to sentosa!! . and i have not seen them for like months? for some of them.. Like heidi, jaslene and vernesa.. They helped me when i was in trouble, i remebered every moment when i got bullied and they stand up for me. I remember my friends, all of them standing up for their friends, family when anyone gets bullied.

Dee dee , always look out for me. Like my older sister, protecting me. Gosh, i feel like crying because i'm listening to a sad song while typing. Vicky, i'm always with her like 365 days during school times because we were in the same CCA , same class, same house(leopard). But i'm always wanted to stay with all my friends at one shot ( thats impossible),especially during school.Now, school no more. And i now can meet up with my friends in different days. Because of my friend, i get to know more friends. Joannae, hui luan, mingteck, yiling, ann li...I don't know if they treat me as friends or not, but i do. I know they're nice people. Very nice people. =) My post just won't end.. Shall study.. Public duty...blah blah. so many topics. I must pass!! SEE YOU PEOPLE! i really can't wear tanktop just like that, my back...zz My instructors, sir kenneth, mdm iris. this two wonderful instructor who have been with me since sec 1. Thank you sir and mdm. You don't know how grateful i am. Although i may seem to like don't care. Sir, you may be fierce, very fierce last time, but now you're like the best instructor. Mdm, i always laugh at your jokes. And you're understanding.. I admit i'm not really close to you but i appreciate what you have done for my platoon. thank you .Aiyo, i hope they won't read my blog. SO PAISEH!! I wish everyone know my heart, how i'm truly grateful to them.

Without my friends, i think no one else will know me better..

Fuck lah!

2011-04-05T00:52:00.002+08:00

What?! Now its my fault. They called, i just co incidentally didn't pick the calls. Its just nice that i didn't hear. Must you freaking hell mention about mac?! You think i like to work at mac?! HUH?! You never freaking fail to piss me off. I tried to do the best i can, help you prepare your dinner before you come home, help you on aircon before you come home so that you can rest early. In the end, you scold me. And i'm always in the wrong. FINE!

Just because of that lAPTOP!!! stupid laptop. said that they will inform me. Call no use, email lah!!

I hate calling people back when idon't know that person. I'm so freaking pissed. Fine, i'll call. ok, now you know why i hate to talk to you, that's why our conversation ends in less than a minute. And my response is always less than 6 words. Even if you're my father, can't you at least try to understand why i'm like this, why i'm always giving you cold shoulders? Why i dislike going out with you? Because of your temper..CRAP!Now even brother scolded me, blamed me. I'm sorry, ok? Happy?

Stupid poly, laptop is important, ya! i know lah.

Call me emotional..whatever..

2011-04-03T21:54:00.004+08:00

I like this picture. =)Maybe caz i seldom take pictures

Went to NHQ for NFAC. Was appointed to carpark area and then later timekeeper for footdrill. I can say my expectation was too high for the teams. I took Ambulance Cadet footdrill and one team amazed me with their very good drills. Totally together...Bang loud. Sorry but i don't know which corp. So, basically stood under sun , hot sun from 9am+ to 3pm+. How nice. My boots from shine to crack.

One AC team , the number 2 was cute... Small size and adorable. But when i heard his voice. I was shocked. So deep. So, carried hp with me but was switched off. Arif sir was like observing us, my partner and me. We were the only 2 standing under the hot sun for hours while everyone is indoor with air con. And they even laughed at me when i look up to the hall and saw them.

After that footdrill ended. 20 teams in total i guess, 10 ambulance teams.. Imagine how long i stood there. I was in FULL-U somemore. But it was a new experience. I've never been to NFAC. And dunman high won quite a lot. Well, gratz.

After that we were released. I cut short, make my post short and sweet. Exam next saturday. They're testing all the lectures we went and that's a lot. After that, Walked to Nicoll highway, Switched on my phone and saw the messages. Aww man!! I was like my god, i almost cried, ok is teared.But i hold it back. The messages warmed my heart. But i have no idea how they know. hmmm... I think i know. DEE DEE! -> Dilys-> Platoon mates. ? Right?! AH HAH, i smart right?

But thank you so much, guys. I'm so gonna save those messages. Shall change my thinking. Be more postitive. And make myself improve more. Gonna collect SGC. deedee! go together! I'm so gonna miss Alpha, Sjab manpower decrease, liveness drop. EMO AGAIN.LOL. JY for Olevels! and Nlevels.

I'm so exhausted. Oh, btw, Derrick teo, my batch one... This NCDCC guy , his face appeared in the NDP board in NHQ. Watch out for him. HAHA. i spotted him during OTC course day. And i saw him today on the way home in the train.With anthony. Thank you guys. =) All these make my day brighten up. Memories are precious.

I wish i could keep my memory in a place safe forever~

I fail..

2011-04-02T21:04:00.003+08:00

(so small) But its memorable.

i still remember...clearly..hehe

(This is random) =)

I wish i could tell them, ALPHA, that i'm a failed instructor. I've never did anything helpful to sjab before. Its like i've never really contributed to sjab, being a follower. Instructors leave a impression to their cadets, juniors, good instructors gain respect. But not me, ALPHA are better , much better. They were promoted today,they had promotion parade, Charlie, i'm currently taking them, promoted too. But i couldn't be there, because of my course day. Charlie and Delta prepared cards and cake for ALPHA. See? This is how good they really are. Like Sir kenneth's platoon last time. They were all good instructors.

I admit, i'm jealous. Or should i say, envy... I guess the platoon i used to take.. They've forgot that i once took them.. That i'm a instructor too, i want the best for them. But they don't need me. At all.. Seeing them becoming instructor last time, i was proud, although i didn't do anything.. But i'm glad they're good instructors too. =) How i wish i could let them know what i'm thinking.. Ok, if they know, i'll be so shy like omg..

Let's cut that... So, course day 3 today at NHQ.Exhausted. Had footdrills, slow march as a whole course. COOL? Teammates was funny today. I really need to step out of my comfort zone. That's what i have to do. Cover myself up, its so annoying to try to be another person. Smile happily everyday and pretend nothing happened. Crap~ While having course, i was thinking about today, BIG DAY in evss, yet i'm in HQ. Came home and sis keep talking about what happened today. During training. I was ...idk, fustrated? So, i told her to keep quiet.

I'm thankful that i have nice seniors in sjab, nice juniors too. I think its just me who is having problem or maybe i'm the problem. Alpha... Hope to see you guys. ok? I want to see you guys back...Good luck for your studies!!! Ok, i'm being idiot here. No one is going to read my blog..=.= Now blog is the only safest place so far.. There's stalkers ...on fb, and what i write may spread and all officers will know the next day. Reading back what i just typed, wow...i'm shocked, i feel better cause i let out my emotions through words..

So, tomorrow is another tiring day. NFAC at HQ. Marshall...I want go out with friends..Before school starts...Memorable because..

They're the first platoon i take, the start of my instructor life..

I know very well, My friends..

2011-03-31T21:42:00.001+08:00

Finally, i got to really step out of house and stretch my legs. Met up with deedee=), to have lunch and also shopped around. It feels as if i have not been seeing her for a long time. Haha. So, met up and headed to Tampines Mall. Bus fare is eating up my money! We decided to head to IKEA after we reached the top floor of TM, and so we headed to IKEA! Had 2 hot dog buns -> nice + 2 cups of ice lemon tea. WOoahhhh, i was full. Real full. Then we walked to Giant to watch "movie". I think we stood there for a long time.

Was engrossed on the tv. Then, we walked around Giant, i think i'm becoming a more boring person. Agree? Saw dee dee's injury, must have hurt a lot. Take care =). If you need gauze, i give you, you need me, i also there FOR YOU. *rou ma* Cheesy~ I get hungry so easily, so by the time we head back to TM, i was already feeling a bit , ABIT!! hungry. haha. i'm a pig.

Saw Dee Dee's blog, =). Warmth inside me. hehe. I shy again lah. I reflected a lot again, when i'm alone with my friend -> computer. Although i'm like watching videos, but my soul was gone. Reflected on myself, I really have to change myself, if can't, at least put on a cover. For the sake of myself. Its like totally not showing the real me in front when i start school and only the real me appear when i'm with my true friends, old friends. I admit i talk a lot of crap in this blog. =D

So, i have to go down to school tomorrow. I think my lunch is ....alone again. Having Napha so no matter what, i have to eat. No choice. I thik once school starts, i'm gonna start missing my friends, so badly. I don't want to lose my friends just because of lost of communication. Especially my closest friend, ok, my sister.=) Proud to say that.

2011-03-30T18:15:00.002+08:00

Low self esteem.. Had dinner together with mum, brother and sister yesterday at 201. Talked and brother mentioned plastic surgery. zzz. Saying that i must go and have braces on and mum said i need to go for a nose job. I've never realised i'm really that ugly.

I know i'm not pretty but not to the extent for plastic surgery. After hearing that i just kept quiet. Brother looked at me and then said that my course , school of hospitality, have to smile a lot and appearance is quite important, Talking is also another important point. If i have no confidence in myself, it would be difficult for me to survive.

I'm trying to be confident, but everytime i raise my confident level, there's always something that happened that brings down everything.

2011-03-28T22:46:00.002+08:00

I want HOODIE!

Call me selfish, whatever..

2011-03-28T18:35:00.003+08:00

No one never ever understands what i'm going through. What i'm trying my best to show, that i really love them, and i want to give my best. People say that i'm a bully, sister bully, scolding my sister for no reason. Ok, i accept that. But they always didn't see the part where my sister is rude to me, talking to me with no respect. And they only see when i start to scold her in front of my friends.

Like today, i was happily watching my videos, i admit i was laughing too loud, nothing would happen if she just tell me nicely that i'm disturbing her sleep, instead she came and said" oi, your laughter very irritating leh, make me cannot sleep" That totally spoiled my mood. Ok, i stared at her and told her" "What?! I laugh cause its funny cannot? you don't want me laugh is it? Ok, i shall do that then."

With that, i gulped down like half a bottle of water down my throat, to reduce my anger. Then, mum came home, saying that i shouldn't depend on my sister to pack food for me or my brother because her bag is heavy. I stared at her too. Because i could clearly remember when i was still in secondary school, My bag was heavy, affecting my shoulders, i was carrying another pile of thick books in my hands, she called me and said" help me pack food home for us, the whole family." At that time, i even had to call a friend to help me carry it home. It was too heavy. And that wasn't the only time, my sister only had to pack for either me or my brother. I had to pack for the whole family. Its like 5 or 6 packs of food. And i remembered one time , it was raining. I had no umbrella. And guess what my mum told me" Find a way to get home, buy a umbrella or something."

I heard it and kept quiet. I hanged up the phone. If i wrote more emotionally, it will be that, my breath stopped for like a few seconds, my eyes was like turning watery, my heart was feeling hollow? Yeah.. Understand that? Maybe that's just a small part of life , but it caused a huge impression on me. Heavy blow. I told my mum about how unfair she is and she kept quiet, totally speechless. That's like rare cause i seldom win in arguments. Now, i hate lunch time. My mum now ask me to go out and eat on my own. Who in the world likes to eat alone?! I hated it. I rather not eat.

Lets stop here. Gosh, makes me damn sad. Cried just now in my room. Sometimes, i just hate my sister. But i dote her. Its just that she never know why i buy things for her and when i really chose that thing for a long time just for her, she tells me this" eee, why you buy this? i don't like it already or you keep it yourself." Understand? I specially chose it for her and she tells me that she don't want it and throws( yes, THROW!) it back to me. Thats how fights occur. As for dad, he gets angry easily over little things like i'm bathing when he comes home from work and he start yelling" who's that bastard bathing, work so hard for this stupid house and then can't even bathe when i get home?" I just open the door, give a stare and walk back to my room.

Cause i know, opening my mouth and say something won't work.

Cafe

2011-03-27T23:36:00.005+08:00

Course day on Saturday at Xinmin sec. Lectures as usual was boring and it has the power to drive a person to sleep. We had a half an hour footdrill session which was alright, just that there was some difficulty coordinating with everyone since each zone had different style.

Don't want to talk so much about that. I got a feeling my teammates doesn't really like me much, maybe because of my attitude to them during camp, i think i was rather acting like a ah lian during camp. You know? Like rude and keep showing the "no happy face". Going to be the Team I/C again for nxt course day. zzz Vicky wil be the cadet course commandant for next course day, i wish i can help her and make her job easier.

I don't know why, but every time i have this kind of course to attend, i don't feel happy. Its like i will think of things like" Friends? How am i going to make friends? They won't like me? How to perform well?" Damn these thoughts. Now, i know i really did my best already. So, after that we rushed to Tampines Sec by cab and saw SIR YONG QING. So long never see. Vicky was damn happy. Ok, me too.. By the time we reach there, it was almost the time to gather for the prize giving. So, chit chat a while with the officers and oh, Jun hao, Jun jie, Yong jun and Xiang yew came. So, talked and then went to gather. Sister was over there too( duh ) Then the competitiors fall in and then started.

Dunman high won everything. Whatever the result. I believe in my juniors, because i know the feeling, i know the efforts they put in, i've been through it like just last year. I wanted to give them a huge hug and let them know its really ok. (ok, actually that won't help much) But i'm those shy type, you know? I can't like go to them and then just hug. So difficult. Seeing them cry, my heart aches too. But thats not the end of the journey right? We will be back and fight again next year.

Bleh! to other corps. I wanted to comfort them but my feet just stiff. And my mood was somehow affected after that. After that went for "dinner" at KFC cause my my mum cooked. Ate snackers. The GVSS competitors all came and like occupied KFC. LOL. Ate and chat, its been a long time since i'm with my platoon mates. Miss them, really miss them. I miss my friends. I miss AH family. muahaha. (Even typing this makes me shy) Sunday will be National First Aid competition. Have to participate, and i have not been there before. Or should i say,i've never attended before except the ambulance team cause they won champ last year.

Its either i'm the casualty or the marshall. I'm fine with both. JY! Twitter~ Its good to have twitter when i'm outside.

2011-03-25T22:34:00.002+08:00

Went to have lunch with si xian and meichin at east point, sakae sushi. So full.. Ate till around 4.30pm and walked around cause we have no idea where to go. Walk and then go arcade and then bid farewell. Went back Tampines to meet mum and sis, bought some clothes and then head home. SJAB course day 2 tomorrow.

Hope everything goes well. Competition tmr, good luck people, i can really imagine how they're feeling now. OMG! so nervous. HAIZ... Was chit chatting with my sister, and she started the bf gf topic. zzz So, we talked and she started asking me why i'm still single. wtf. I told her" look at my face, you think anyone is interested?" She kept quiet.. Guess you know what it means. Then she said" see, dee dee jie jie and her bf, she so pretty and see your friends, got guys like them" That made me wanted to literally slap her.

I stared at her and turned back. She then told me about her crush, crappy things, i listened and uh huh uh huh all the way. Then i told her " you want me to have a bf? fat hope" She said" ya lor, fat hope, your poly like no shuai ge" WTF again. useless topic! But i'm happy that dee dee is happy now with her bf, and my friends are all happy with their life. =) LAST LONG AND STAY HAPPY! Its nice to see friends happy rather than seeing them devastated right? If they feel hurt, sad and cry, i feel it too, and want to cry with them. Gosh.. thinking about the past, my friends crying because of their family or bf, i'm always helpless and just sat beside them.

Until now, my closest ever friend, true ,real friend/ sister ,who is always there when i need her, knows how to handle relationship with friends and bf well, totally understand me.. I don't know... I just act like the real me instead of hiding myself in front of her. The one who will take her time to read this post. =) I just wanna say ... Thank you.

I know i have close friends or maybe my so call" best friends" but that was always for a period of time. There's always a period of time, where our relationship turns cold , distant.. And then everyone busy with their own stuffs, and i will hardly want to talk to that friend. I didn't want that. But since its my blog, this is like the only place i can say my true feelings. TOTALLY TRUE. * cross heart*

2011-03-24T17:44:00.002+08:00

I'm scared.. When i go to poly, start school, i won't be able to get in contact with my friends as often and then we will get distant just like what happen from primary school to secondary school. I don't want that to happen. And if they ask me out, i'm busy and have to reject them, i'll feel horrible inside. I hate rejecting people and make them disappointed.

Heard from Sir kenneth that my mentor is strict and fail people easily. OMG. I'm like the worse member in my group, i seldom participate and seldom perform, if they do my apprasial, i'll be the first to die. SHIT. forget it. Heard that my friends' appeal was successful, she got into TP. Damn, i'm jealous. RP IS NOT MY CHOICE! This is the first time in my whole life, i'm forced to go into school which i don't want to.

Having steamboat later. There so many things i want to say and so many mixed feelings inside me but i don't know how to express it.

Crazy Little Thing called Love (aka First Love) Trailer High Quality

2011-03-24T04:13:00.000+08:00

AWESOME!!!

What is right, what is wrong?

2011-03-23T22:20:00.001+08:00

I don't mind if i receive a fail from my mentors, cause i know i did my best and if i fail, they have a reason for that. And that means the problem lies in me. If i did my best, my mentors should be able to see it and understand. But after going through all of it, if i still fail, i'm speechless, i surrender.

So, was telling mum about my request of having an MP3, and she told me to just use my handphone. zz Fine. haha. Went to gym at tampines stadium with deedee. =) I love it. Shall go again if there's chance. After that went to meet my mum. Thank you dee dee. treating me KOI.

Everytime i plan to go out with friends to watch movie or go out, there's always things popping out, causing the whole thing to be cancelled. And i hated that, really, its either friend working, friend busy, or friend just purely lazy and find a excuse to try to get rid of me. That pisses me off. And then when i nvr ask that friend out, complains and thing is my fault. I'm trying to coordinate with everyone but there's someone who sure want everyone to follow what he/she wants.

Okay, lets not talk bout that. Even after all that, i still know, they're my friends, true friends forgive and forget. Trust my friends, know that whatever they do, they have their reasons. While at the gym running, i was thinking, a lot.. Money problem, how to make sure that i don't make people sad.But make them happy. Wanting people happy, i have to be happy first. Well, thats difficult. lol. Oh ya, being random, but i saw sir kenneth, mdm iris, mdm yanteen, staff angela,mdm xue shen and lastly, sir alvin. lol. shocked but happy to see them.

My sis is so much weaker then me. LOL. Sometimes i can't control my temper over the phone and i start to sound angry on the phone. I can't control that but when i just wake up or something, my voice is like..

Anw, my sister is so BIG MOUTH. my god.. She's always like this. That's sze min. haiyo. People used to say my sister, like woah, she's so different from you, or she talkative or lousy, i just stare at the person and say, " ya, so?" Cause i know my sister better than that person. Like people saying my family, i just whatever or just keep quiet to let the person know that i'm not happy with that comment about my family even if thats the fact.

I used to voice out my comments, but in the end i got scolded or ignored. So now i keep everything within, but i got lectures on my behaviour, too quiet , no opinion. I know keeping quiet is still better. Want me to talk to people more? wait until that person talk to me first and don't give up halfway when talking to me. Btw, my eyes have been playing tricks on me, keep seeing things moving past me or something, and when i was at the gym just now, my neck suddenly ache so much.. but i have to continue.

I'm in love with BIG BANG's TONIGHT. SECRET GARDEN IS AWESOME. I know my blog is like empty, with no viewers.. But this is like my private place. My diary.

2011-03-23T00:51:00.004+08:00

Went to Rp today, in the end the laptop i wanted to buy was out of stock. zz. preorder it and have to go down AGAIN another day. damn. So, was quite pissed by the sales person. His attitude is abit... idk . Maybe because of my brother. lol. So, brother accompanied shi hui and i to have lunch at the canteen. wow, there's like don't know how many foodcourts. After that traveled back to Tampines and shi hui and i alighted first. Then actually planned to catch a movie but there was no movie to watch. lol. so we wanted to visit vicky at her workplace but by the time we walked to the bus stop, she called me and told me that she ended work. zz

So, shi hui and i walked back to Tampines mall, then century square's customer service to sit down and waste time. Then we decided to watch red riding hood with yong jun and jun jie at 9pm. Before that, we talked and talked, i wanted a MP3, i like listening to music. And i have been wanting one since sec 1. Used up a lot of money today. Heartache. Dinner at AJISEN and deedee was a work. hehe, actually i knew she was working and dragged shi hui there. Since she haven't tried it before.

Enjoyed my meal , bid farewell and walked off. I want a backpack. A mp3, more clothes.Now my hair, have to temporary dye black. Since my mum let me dye, herbal dye, not chemical ones. Hope course day goes smoothly. I still feel lost this few days, without my friends. I'm like losing my soul or something. Totally have no idea what i'm doing until i come back to my senses. Like the other day, i just walked to my sister table and took her book and walked off , leaving her stunned. Then i reached the kitchen turned back and place it back on her table. She tapped me and then i woke up. I sleep like some log, my mum tried to wake me up by wacking me for almost 30 mins non stop, but i just stay still, then she shouted, all kind of methods doesn't work.

So she just leave me there unless i have activities like sjab, she just shout you're late!! your training! i just shoot up and grab my glasses. weird right? I feel so uncomfortable when i'm in the poly, like i don't belong there. so weird again. Sometimes, i watch movies, dramas, clips, i thing about myself, reflect on what i have been doing, past or present and remember all the sad, horrible moments, i thought of my friends, my family, how my friends stood up for me and for the first time, i feel that, really feel that i can have true friends. Helping me when i'm weak and can't defend myself, when i got accused by teacher, when my results suck like hell, when my parents quarrel and scold me.

Sometimes thinking of the very sad things, my mum almost left us, wanting to abandon the house, us, leaving dad. I remember quarreling with friends, small quarrels and those times when my friends yell at me, or ignore me, giving me cold shoulders, all these make my heart aches. I can't stand this kind of things, too much for my heart. But i know everyone have this kind of times. Isn't it? So, i thought about it, and i realised why i have been those "Emo " type of girl. When my friends give me cold shoulders, i'm on my own, so.. i just keep quiet, not showing any actions but just write letters or send a msg to know what happened. Almost everything i did was just actions and not verbal.

Or i just let things be that way and keep to myself. i know mum knows when i'm sad. My face does show it, when she ask me if i want food, i ignore her and daze. That's when i'm sad and don't disturb me. Brother knows it too. But there was just this once when i was rude to him. Because i was just too upset by my dad. He yelled at me over the phone just because i didn't buy his dinner. And bro was like, " what happened? did dad mention me?" i just said" me lah, not you lah, always like that" stare at him and walked off. he knows and just " okay.."

Thank you friends when i show my temper, when i show my attitude, you endured it and treat it as nothing. Thank you my family. I sometimes just forgot how lucky i am . Thank you my dearest friend, sister. I can't expressed it face to face, really can't. But i use actions, buying cards, and just passing it to you is enough to make me so shy until.... i can't talk. I want you to know, i treat you like my older sister. Who always care for me. And the love and kindness you gave me, i wanted to pass it to others, let it spread and i know you're my model. =) I treat juniors like sister, let them learn their mistakes. Want the best for them.

Although i scold my little sis in front of others,i don't care, i do have my reasons for doing that, i want her to know that not everyone will treat her nicely and i dote her the most. Whenever i see something nice, i thought of my friends, who to buy for and my little sis and family. But $$.zz Have to save money now.

2011-03-21T12:34:00.003+08:00

Looking at Japan, i could feel the pain.. I can't even bear to see the reports on japan. Its totally scary. I wish i could contribute something. i wish i can help them and lessen their pain. walked home from work yesterday. Nice~ walking at night is relaxing. But of course i got a lecture from my mum. "SO LATE! STILL WALK HOME, VERY DANGEROUS!!" LOL. But i feel love when i came home, seeing a cup of warm chrysanthemum tea on the table waiting for me. Dad actually wanted to fetch me but i was walking home already.

Work was alright, from runner to lobby then runner then fries section then finally runner. Heading down to republic poly tmr, with bro and shi hui. buy laptop. later going out to watch red riding hood. Ok, hopefully my mum allows. I suddenly feel so drained out, i can hardly feel and energy that can make me feel enthu about something. I just feel so DEAD. Bro's not home yet, went for his boys brigade camp. so, i'm alone again..yeah, once again. its becoming a daily thing and i hate it.

Next sat is course day. zzz Thank you deedee!! =) always caring about me. =) You take care also!So, let me continue my post. I feel so distant from my friends now. I want to go out with them but its been a very long time since we met, and then when we go out, there will be like awkwardness. Like raina, who started school already. we could hardly meet. Others working or busy. =( And its like me asking people out but got rejected. Maybe si xian they all not really.

ARH, i miss my friends. Roy they all, all of them whom i used to hang out with. Of course, dee dee , joanne they all. hehe. its like they're almost like my only friends. Friends, i miss you guys!!

I was wondering if i go poly, what if my friends weren't friends? They judge me, don't accept me or something? Then my life would be in a total mess. This minor things can affect me deeply. Please. I'm being idiot here. thinking all these bo liao stuffs. forget it, for now, i'll just waste time. Oh, bro just came home! I'm so jealous of people with nice set of teeth. I want bag, a new bag. Dad promised me.ok, my parents nvr kept their promise. =(

2011-03-20T00:25:00.002+08:00

Flag day today and my location was 201. Well, i could say..alright. Came home, exhausted and had lunch. Helped sis with her lit project in creating a poem. Borrowed her chicken soup book. Downloaded quite a number of movies. hehe.

I feel so lonely. Nowadays. Work tomorrow at 4pm to 11pm, actually they didnot put my schedule in, i called and they ask me if i'm free tmr. see, digging my own grave. Currently watching SECRET GARDEN. =) Competition on 26 march and i have course day on that day, making it impossible to see them on the day. SORRY!

I believe in my juniors! My body feel so weird these few days, suddenly pain in chest area or back area or leg. Until i can't walk, talk or move. I wanna go for morning jog, but i'm a sleeping pig, totally can't wake up. Heard from my mum that i woke up, off my alarm and lie down again. I didn't even have any recollection of it. Bye!

2011-03-16T02:52:00.004+08:00

HOME SWEET HOME. Camp ended on 14th march. The whole camp was nice~ there's isn't really an exact word to describe the camp. But overall, it was real meaningful. I mean really, i gain a lot from this camp. I persevered on because of a course mate from HOTEL and i barely know her ,not even her name, but she requested to hold my hands and continued the whole road march which was almost from lavender all the way to vivo city.

Now, camp is over, leaving the theory course days + exam day...please... i must pass. I'll hold on and go on with my course mates. the whole camp we did like 2 triage, actually counted as once, the second was a retry. Woke up early in the morning and 4 am? to prepare for run. everyday run, jog... then there was this ultimate challenge. gosh, i almost got hyperventilation again and in order not to drag my mates down, i told my mentors that i need to stop for that station.

Just for that 5 mins. i rest. AND for the rest of the whole camp, i just chiong. NO FALL OUT , NO GIVING UP. I was like woah, i did it! whenever we completed any activities. like the road march which we walked from 2am to like..7am+. Sir James said this" i'm proud of you guys , you all did it in time..." i was thinking" thank you sir, that motivates me a lot"

I'm glad my mates encouraged me all the way, i did the same and everyone went on together. there was many people who got injured in the camp, sprained leg, injured their leg.. all leg problems. JY! flag day this sat. and i can only go for training on the 16 april.last training for the term and sunita and the sec 4 go for exam break. Sir kenneth and mdms cared for us.=) they asked bout our camp..hehe.

so...hmmm..i think thats bout all so far. btw, the view at night at the esplanade area was awesome. i was totally engrossed in the view that i almost ignored the instructors. I missed dee dee. so did she. deedee, don't think so much. =)

thank you my friend, for being with me, for listening to my crap, for everything. i don't show but i know. etched in my heart forever.

2011-03-08T02:09:00.003+08:00

I'm angry at myself, for being so weak. Lack in so many things. And yet i can't do anything to be better. People always look down on me. People thinks i quiet and being rude when i don't talk or reply them. But they don't know the real reason behind it. I HAVE a reason. Be it tired, can't be bothered or angry..whatever. there's a reason. sometimes, i'm just..dissapointed in them.

I did my best to keep my friends, and i wanted to have true friends. I don't want the past to haunt me again. Always being controlled by my friends, being bullied and have to cry alone in a corner. I can't even cry loudly at home. Now, i always hold back my tears if i can.. But i'll make sure i don't make a single sound at all.

This is me.. My confidence level is low.. self esteem.. Yeah, i don't smile. Maybe i do, but rarely.I only talk to people whom i'm real close with. But now, i'm tryin my best to open up first. I'm lacking in a lot of things. I don't have much experience. I hated when people fight or quarrel, i just can't stand it. I always wanted to spend time with friends, or enjoying the night view, sunset, go to the beach. But my wish, was that my family can stay together, without quarrel and let them be able to know me. Not even my mum, knows when i'm feeling down, real down when i really need somebody to talk to. Thats how distant i am with my family.

I don't speak up to family, i keep everything to myself, i have been doing things on my own such as homework since young, with no one to consult. Now, OTC camp is on friday, and i don't know what's going to happen. I just feel this way out of sudden and that's why i'm writing out here... I love to keep things, cause i feel that it's important. Sometimes, people tend to forget my presence.. and forgot my feelings. I try to be optimistic, but it doesn't work for me. I dote my sister, i love my family and i try to show it but failed as they don't feel it at all...

2011-02-08T22:18:00.002+08:00

JAE appeal was successful, got into Republic Poly's hotel and hospitality management. First time in my life, looking at all my friends going into the same poly: TP, while myself have to go into a poly so far away from home. Quite upsetting.

My hamster died too. Left one more. my favourite hamster will be the only survivor. Bye hamster, i knew you battled for a long time against your illness, now RIP. Love you! OK, ilove my hamster so much.

So far, nothing much. Tried contact lens, looking alright. OK, life is boring this few days cause i'm unable to go out.

I know...

2011-01-27T14:15:00.002+08:00

Real upset about the JAE results. But after hearing what my friends have said, there's nothing to be sad about. I just have to continue my life.Thanks friends! Well, now have to wait for the JAE appeal results to be out on 8 Feb. Hope it will turn out successful. Yesterday could really be the saddest day of my life. But there's more to face in my life. Its just the beginning to another different life. I'm gonna learn to be independent.

2011-01-21T15:03:00.002+08:00

Sorry people, updating my blog only now. Pure laziness.. Alright, my sister is in EVSS now, my job: get her into my cca, SJAB. :) She's still hesitating, but i'm sure she will still join in the end. My JAE results will be released on 26 JAN, can't believe time pass so fast, freaking fast.

PLease, let me get into my first choice. Realised that i actually don't have much friends, friends who can really be with me when i need them. Stuck at home sucks, working in MAC now, and got rejected by AJISEN. TWICE!! screw it. Was so dissapointed and sad, broke my heart. So, basically, i seemed to lose my purpose of living. NO school = BOREDOM.

That's how horrible it is. ALright, shall change everything.

O LEVELS.

2010-08-16T18:09:00.002+08:00

Won't be able to blog. All my updates will be on twitter or facebook. be back after Olevels!!

time..

2010-07-08T21:58:00.006+08:00

Many things happened. My mood is like up and down. HAPPY and SAD. whatever.Chinese oral is over! now listening exam and then after that would be english oral(hate it). So, everything is changing. Sometimes i think i can't catch up with time. Music is the only thing that make me happy, making me move my body along with the beat and rhythm.

Been so busy the whole week. Literature fest on saturday at Nan Hua High! I wanna watch eclipse. Raina showed me super junior's new mv.

My idol from super junior. Trying to know more about u-kiss..So, doing my best to study hard. I can't figure what i really want. I gotta think and reflect. SS REMEDIAL! only able to go home at at least 5pm everyday. Because of remedials.

Unhappy

2010-06-22T15:41:00.002+08:00

Hi guys. Have been doing homework this few days, life is like being scheduled already. zzz

School is going to reopen and yet my homework is still incomplete. SHIT. Rather unhappy of someone.. Heard that ALPHA went to SNCO. Man, time flies again. Vicky called, told me that only a few of us received the Comissoner badge, great. Shouldn't have been so happy at all when i was told i had that badge, in the end , all was fake. F*** IT. Forget it. At least they have it. SJAB is just a cca. WHATEVER.. Focus on studies now.

So, saw u-kiss on tv..blah blah. planned to cut hair today, but had something up at the last minute. So, vicky's gonna cut her hair today. Shall see your hairstyle tmr, vicky.=) Brother's birthday was on 19th june, a very unmeaningful birthday. Only saw him at night when he rushed home, changed and then just sang a birthday song and off he goes to meet his another gang of friends. LOL. Father's day. nothing much too.

My life is forcing me to shut myself up. Everything until Olevels is call fun. Now, is call boring shit.BYES.

2010-06-14T21:25:00.002+08:00

Home sweet home. Arrived in Singapore at around 7.30pm? I hate planes. Anyway first day at malaysia, alor setar, checked into a hotel and had dinner. I loved malaysia's food. =D Next day, went to relatives house, shopped at some shopping mall, i don't know is it because my dressing is too over or attractive, but where ever i go, i seemed to offend the people there. LOL. Who cares? I was totally bored there, only until don't know when then the BBQ session starts, Sat down there and prepare all the food. Sunday was Uncle's wedding. Man, his wife is so chio! Stood beside her when taking photos, i feel so...big sized.

Kinda enjoy caz its relaxing there. But have to travel by car everywhere. Oh, the weather there is worse than singapore.

Pictures? in the facebook, my sister would be holding on to the responsibility of uploading. =) Didn't have time to buy anything for friends. SORRY!! I guessed i missed out a lot if stuffs within 4 days. have to catch up!

!!

2010-05-31T22:13:00.003+08:00

Just had a tiff with my mum, over the use of laptop. What's wrong with her? I told her i won't use the com only after my MOTHER TONGUE olevel paper. NOT THE WHOLE O LEVEL! And here she is reprimanding me, saying that i am wasting time, not cherishing every single moment i have to study. I know that! I just freaking hell ended my MOTHER TONGUE paper and i need a fucking break! ( sorry for that word) I'm too furious.

Dragged me to don't know where right after my paper, spent the whole day there, and she don't even know how exhausted i am. Cried , because she broke my heart, cried because i realised she doesn't even understand me. and cried because what she said and what she did, is all unreasonable. She's not my MUM!!! She doesn't know how i cried to myself every single night,silent screaming. Because she's in my room and my sister and her sleep in the same room. I cry when i have stress, and now i can't even release my stress. The only way, is to use my smile to cover. OK, fine i dun smile much. At least the most i can do, is to only let out everything here.

Crying doesn't help much anymore. Because of you, MUM, you were once my pillar of support, but now, you're nothing in my heart, only the shell. WHATEVER! Thats me.

Now, only thing that makes me happy, is only looking at my idols. My brother not able to be with me, he's busy. My sister, c'mon she's like .....NO one.....Thats how lonely i feel at home. I'm happy with all my friends around me. Talking about KPOP. Friends, i love you guys.

KPOP

2010-05-23T23:55:00.004+08:00

I in love with KPOP. I love them too. Not all are here. But they're cool! Mother tongue coaching in SAC is f**king cold. And the Mother tongue O level is on bloody 31'st may. Its like a few days away. My god.A1 PLS. please!!

2010-05-18T18:56:00.001+08:00

Result was horrible. Combine sci chem: 49/65,

physics: 43/65

e-maths: fail by 1 mark.(i dunno whats wrong with me)

Lit: failed by 1 mark !!!!

a-maths:improvement but you'll get a shock,F9

Chinese, results dropped a lot. 69/100=.= FROM A2 TO A B3!!!

English heard that i did better. 28/50( at least i did my best)

Whatever it is, its over, i did my best in the exam. Now focus on Mother tongue O levels. Feel like posting videos so enjoy.

SHort post.

2010-05-14T22:51:00.002+08:00

Exams, SA1- OVER! Now, is the mother tongue Olevels. Still thinking of what to buy for weiting. I owe her her birthday present. Was suppose to go karaoke with heidi they all, in the end was all screwed up by my mother. Just her " No" stops everything, turning everything from right to left. great. So, she dragged me to TM, to buy clothes for my uncle's wedding. And i had a extreme suffering time choosing my clothes before stepping out of house. I just seemed to run out of clothes to wear. Walked, shopped and only my mum and my sis bought things for themselves. I think i gonna buy 1 beanie and cool earstuds.

My mum says " you don't have a good figure, no choice u have to face it." That sentence spoiled my mood and i ignored her for 2 hours. I think i would need some fashion designer and make up artists to cover me up. My face condition is worsening. =( That really really upsets me the most. I almost wanted to lock myself up in my room. Until i saw my brother leaving the house with his nice clothes. He is free to buy what he like. Me? BOOO...have to wait till O levels end. Its like my life starts only after O levels. I have no life now. Ok, from a short post to a long post. Complaint post.

SA1

2010-05-09T22:59:00.002+08:00

Aweek more. Just a week.=) exams would be over. But THE MOTHER TONGUE OLEVELS!IS ON 30TH MAY?! Made a card for mother on mother's day. nice than my sister's. Primary school students can't be compared to secondary school's student. Ok, so, studied physics, emaths and chemistry in one day. cool? NO! Apparently my favourite subject (combined) chemistry is like stuck in my head. But physics, no. emaths force myself.

Would be heading to malaysia for my Uncle's wedding. It's like finally. He's going on 50 years old already. Ok, stop this topic. So, would be going there.=.= I don't want. Nothing nice to wear to a wedding, and i'm sure it would be a boring whole week for me. Aweek and have to take a plane to somewhere and the best thing, SHIP! A SHIP to get to the final location?!!! T__T Bintan trip is sufficent to kill me. my god. there better be a open roof for me. Talked to my mother, chit chat with her. Its been so long since i chat with her. She allowed me to dye my hair=). ok, maybe just once. Cause it will ruin my hair. I shall dye it after Olevels? I'm sure a lot of people is waiting for that day to come.

So, watched Ip man(weilun,raina,vicky,kenneth, xuan wei,wenkai, fei fei and somemore, ps forgotten) and Iron man 2( with kenneth, vicky,raina and weilun.). Ip man was fantastic.* THUMBS UP* Iron man 2, well, although watched Iron man 1, i don't really get the movie. Forget it. haha. my a-maths paper is going to fail badly again. Still got paper 2 somemore. die, 2 hours 30 mins, i think i would complete it within an hour.=.= Trigo, polynomials, differentiation. MY GOD! I love big bang.

SEE YOU AGAIN AFTER O LEVELS!

2010-04-18T19:20:00.004+08:00

Speech day on friday. Nice! Saturday had my last training, POP! All of us was like " Last training, do as much as we can" Received our new ranks in the morning parade. I freaking hell got a shock because they should read the names according to letters. So they started with the last name, Tang shi hui. Hearing that, we all thought we failed! But in the end they read in from the last name to the first. =.= .

After that played water games and we never bring along any dry clothings. Who cares, its the last training! Then last parade, PASSING OUT PARADE. Was so nervous!but we did our best. then was photoshooting time. jump shots all that is in facebook. After that bid farewell and rush home, then went outta house again. Met at tampines inter, headed to SEOUL GARDEN to eat.Then after that go for karaoke. The same place where roy brought me to,bedok there. Sing the max. enjoyed! Dad and brother fetch me at around 12 am, disturb brother while they were washing the taxi. Yeah,my dad's a taxi driver, so? Brother and dad is so caring. =) I'm a girl and of course i can't go home by myself in the middle of the night.Lucky got brother and vicky to msg to while waiting for them because the place i waited was at a busstop without a SINGLE SOUL. vicky, dun fret so much.=)Bye sjab, see u after my O levels.Now is exam! I realised a lot of people is starting to like KPOP. Lol. I ALSO.=)

Oh, i bought like 6 Nicholas sparks book. Its buy 1 get 1 free ok! And i asked for my mum's permisson hor.

woash!

2010-04-13T21:04:00.003+08:00

Weather have been really scary this few days. The temperature can kill me. Just sitting in class quietly without moving is so difficult. Perspiration just keep dropping. Funny thing is that everyone is doing the same action- a piece of paper or a fan in their hands fanning themselves. I can't even focus in class.

Well, AFA ended, Staff seargent interview yesterday. I think i gonna fail it, I'm always not good at talking! See!! I tried my best. =( Brother had his freaking new laptop. And i realised he changed so much. I think we somehow lack of communication. DUH! Its like i barely see him within a week. But he changed in a good way of course. I'm starting to like Nicholas Sparks.Because of Raina's influence. =D. If it wasn't because of her, i think till now, i still won't be interested in reading. Anyway, POP is this saturday. Man, i'm starting to miss training. LOL. I think i will be at a loss during saturdays at least for a while. Found some old pictures. 2 years ago... time past so so fast. Saw one cool headphone with vicky, shihui, raina and deedee. But not interested to buy. Lol, its not cheap.

I realised also that i've not taken any pictures with my brother for more than 3 years. Nice~ okay, i'm out of words once again. SA is coming!

oh my god!

2010-04-09T22:39:00.002+08:00

SA2 is coming. Preparation starts now! Really stressed up this few days. Brother went for chalet? I think so. Kinda sad today. What's wrong with guys, like to criticize people. Hurting their pride, make them lose their confident.

Forget it, what is important is the exams! After O levels , shall see. Don't get what i mean? Too bad. jk. Just don't want to make my msg so obvivous.

Those who bully me, shall see too.=) bye. AFA tomorrow. Meet a lot of people too.

No life lah!

2010-04-04T18:31:00.003+08:00

SJAB training ending soon. =( Idon't know why i'm feeling sad..or should i say i can't bear to leave my juniors. Anyway, my juniors are all so adorable. Lol. seriously. Platoon i took as their team comander= ALPHA, sec 3s all became instructors. Good thing, and i don't think i have anything to hand over to them at all. =) Being tired this few days, Body aching all over again. Fell down during sjab training while RUNNING up the stairs when i can walk. Luck juniors were all upstairs outside avt already.

Homework, tests, O LEVEL!My goal is to get 12 marks and below for o level grade. POP coming. I think it gonna be a nice one, my last POP. Bravo 07. Focusing on o levels now. Nothing else i guess.

Had chemistry test on thurday and i'm confident of it. =) For the first time in my 2 years in upper sec after dropping from pure to combined sciences. DEE DEE gave me 2 things. And i love it! Thank you deedee! mother tongue had the most amount of homework. PEOPLE have been driving me crazy. But i don't care, because someone told me to ignore all this people and think on the BRIGHT SIDE.

Had some blood patch with brother. =) I SWEAR NEVER TO BETRAY MY BROTHER. He trusted me in his "secrets". =D. Die also won't tell. Never say out anyone's secret. DO I LOOK LIKE I WILL LEAK OUT? Only when u pissed me and really offended me,seriously. Talking bout KPOP, my brother actually know some of it. watched u-kiss vampire. talked to si xian some of it.haha. Finding a common topic to talk about with every friends. There's physics test tomorrow and i'm so not confident of it, because i dislike electricity topics.Being a KPOP fan isn't wrong right? I'm a fan of linkin park too.=)

I run out of things to talk about. see you guys again.

2010-03-25T21:19:00.003+08:00

Had pe today, i love thursday. Because i loved PE and of course assembly. Upper sec Lit students performed. Except me, cause i can't act! And i don't want to. Sec 4 Lit students did well. =) After that, went to sjab room for awhile. Mum been stressing me about my O lvls. Man, can't she understand me?! That's what makes my mood go down down down whenever i hear that.

ARH,whatever. Been troubled by friends these few days, rather pissed and irritated. People freaking hell showing me attitude. damn it. forget it. Brother's life seemed so peaceful and happy.

Have to do my best ,study hard!

COMPETITION + GALA

2010-03-21T16:47:00.007+08:00

Competition on 20th March. Got 2nd runner up. 3rd place out of 3 teams. NA2 did our best! Although thats what i have been telling myself, i still feel very dissapointed and sad with myself. NC8 and AC4 did their best. Everyone can see that, right? I think we cried is because we think that we didn't get what we want. Getting a trophy for the first time is a good news, but getting last position is not. Cried until my eyes were a bit puffy.Puffiness around the eyes = anaphylatic shock.We brought huge amount of food to eat in the waiting room. Since its our last year, i think we used that to relieve our stress. Our steward should be damn happy and lucky to be with our team.

11 nursings cadet teams, 3 nursing adults team, 6 ambulance cadet teams and 1 ambulance adult team.

Anyway, we have to congrats the AA1 for getting a HUGE TROPHY, i'm serious, its huge. A CHAMPION!! But ihope u guys could stop rubbing salt on our wounds. Try to constrain yourselves. Happy for you guys. AND, the TROPHY IS HEAVY! Dunman high won all the CHAMPION trophies again except for AAteam. DUH~ there's like only one team from our corp. After that ,headed to UG gala. C'MON we were like freaking late. Everyone dressed till so nice! Could see that my team was in no mood at all, and people were thinking that WE all won that huge trophy but its not.

Changed into casual shirts. ATE, played some games, went out to take a breather and went back in. And it all ended with a photoshoot with individual CCAs.Oh, jonasson was picked out as one of the best dressed guys. But didn't win. its ok. haha.

There's VIDEO. JONASSON= TOM, did a catwalk. 0.0! After that went back in our own sjab bus.=) STUPID JJ, better stop laughing at me. Having rashes isn't what i want. Its because of my CCA that result me in having rashes. Maybe you think that its funny but having pimples is also part of TEENAGE life. AA1, you guys maybe be strong , but stop making fun of people. People have patience, but they have a limit to it. I guess this is the first time i'm sounding so serious.

Back to the topic, everyone was kinda happy in bus, i guess..Reached school and Dee dee walked me home because my brother was in YISHUN when i messaged him and ask if he could fetch me home. The time was like 11pm!! Deedee, next time dun nid send me home! Late at night, its dangerous and scary for a GIRL to be walking in the streets! Now, i don't know how to face tomorrow. I think the AA1 will be going on stage to receive trophy again. ARH! You won't understand the feeling.

Back from camp!!

2010-03-17T21:36:00.003+08:00

Went for some activities on sunday at VIVO City. Had FREE health check up. Blood pressure is kinda low. Basically healthy. =D. I apologize for not blogging for such a long long time. Currently watching HELLO BABY by SHINEE. =)

Had camp on Monday, First aid cases, Home nursing cases and footdrill. Keep repeating and repeating. Miracle that i didn't drop a single tear for this year's comp camp.Amazing! I guess i know why, we had remedial after remedial and we hardly did any cases. Time spent was mostly on lessons. Today break camp. By the time we were released from lessons, they were all prepared to take group photo and then HOME SWEET HOME.!

Dee dee walked me home after i bid farewell to my beloved team. Although i'm dissapointed on the reaction of my friends. Making me stand in a difficult spot, they are still my friends. I'll make sure both parties do not have to meet because of me. Unpacked my camp stuffs, still halfway through. Have to go back school tmr. Just feel like uploading some pictures. I took pictures of my family without troubles, but the only problem is, I FAILED TO GET MY BROTHER'S PICTURE. =.= AND i kinda miss my long hair.

SCHOOL~

2010-03-07T00:27:00.002+08:00

Had not been posting for a long time, well, reasons are :

1) I'm busy watching my dramas.

2) I'm preparing for competition. =.=

3) STUDIES of course.

4) Day dream.

Basically, these are the reasons.hehe. so, went for staff angela's BBQ party. Was almost going to EMO mode. Compeition training today. Was horrible, ruyi had to replace vicky as she was sick and absent. And, yeah, wihout vicky, we died. Almost died.

Love the drama that i'm watching now. Its the one i blogged about the previous post. There's still 1 more. but i guess i'll watch it after Olvls. Don't ever think its still far. The day will come in a blink of an eye. Body is feeling kinda weird this few weeks. I almost became a walking zombie. Btw, i wish my bro last long. My sis, just focus on studies.

After wtaching the drama, i think that guys who can sing and play instruments are awesome. Like hong ki. I wanna see the album that raina have! G-DRAGON'S 1ST SOLO!!!

back~

2010-02-21T16:59:00.004+08:00

LEFT.

Well, found out this show, i think its kinda nice. Busy with school stuffs. Friends from Anning came on thursday and friday.Saw my buddy, is brina's buddy,had fire drill, which is like wth? Everyone is like strolling.. Friday was cross country. Well, had to run all the way to 2.5 km. Because the race had started when i'm only at 1km. My station was the furthest.=.= stand there with kelly? For like the whole day.After that travelled to Tampines Mall's comic connection. Bought some stuffs, Vicky was with me and i guess i influenced her with some KPOP stuffs. who cares? Then watched Percy Jackson=nice. with meichin, weixin, si xian,vernesa and zeke. Vicky went home.After that headed home.

Yesterday had competition training, was alright. I did my best in all aspects. First Aid, home nursing and footdrill.After that went home and headed to Mrs cho's house. They gambled while i emo at a side. lol.no lah, is just that i'm not interested.Then had dinner there and home!

Sad~

2010-02-11T21:53:00.003+08:00

It's been a long time since i blogged right? Cause i totally don't have time! homework piling and coming in like there's no tomorrow. Anyway, Competition training started. Every friday and maybe saturday.=.= Read up on first aid manual and home nursing notes, keep trying to refresh memory. I did my best ok? Had PE today and it was fun! Its been a long time since i played till crazy. CAUSE, its FLOORBALL! lol. after that visited Chi Choy. Hope he'll get well soon. Hope to see the active Chi Choy back in school again,jumping here and there.

Test tomorrow and CHINESE NEW YEAR IS COMING! BYES PPL.

ps: I'm so gonna drop sciences and i'm freaking hell disappointed with myself.

2010-01-25T21:19:00.002+08:00

Hi people. Had public duty on sunday at Geylang there. My station was to ask for the people's sticker thing and then paste it on the tubes which will contain their blood the next station. I think my job was the easiest. Just sit there and paste. But must be polite of course.=) Anw, from today onwards, wherever i go, i will take pictures. After the public duty, went to play pool at Safra tampines with jh, jj, yong jun , sunita and ruyi. After that headed to bowling centre to play cards. Before that saw Sir stanley. After that...blah blah and headed home.

2010-01-15T23:32:00.005+08:00

Well, finally back from camp. At bintan LOOLA. Its was rather fun and SCARY. Because almost all the activities were my first time.Flying fox, kayaking, boomnetting and Mud walking. I enjoyed the mud walk, because there were lots of interesting sea creatures which i have never seen before right in front of me, only on tv. Oh, the scenery was awesome. Man, the place is a complete perfect place for relaxing. =) . i love my class.

Being confident is good, but not over confident. Never be afraid to show yourself in front of the person u like, but understand the person u like clearer.gratz jh and charlene tgt.k, vicky, i deleted the picture which i think is what u want me to delete. right? dun tell me u want me to delete the one taken with me? =D

Back!

2010-01-11T21:37:00.002+08:00

Hello peeps! Back to posting. Well, since this year is a very very important year, i have to reduce my usage of computer. Reduce a lot. Heard that my idol G-dragon, may have to go jail.=(

No!! want to know more? go google type lor. Anw, snco exam...was ok.. today was the release of Olvls results, and when i saw the seniors crying, i myself feel so sad too. Its as if i can feel the atmosphere. Sir kenneth, dun sad le! Although i really don't know what happened, i hope you won't be sad.

Today was a very slackish day, its as if the periods were all relief teacher taking over. Camp is coming! Its on wednesday! hehe. Life is colourful with friends who care for you, but some just make use of you. I've learnt a lot in my primary school life. I'll never let myself get bullied again, nor getting hurt anymore.But i care a lot bout my friends. I cherish them a lot. Because thats what i've learnt too.

boom!!

2010-01-02T22:01:00.006+08:00

A year had passed~ BYE 2009! HELLO 2010! well, went to 日本村 to celebrate osborn's belated b'day and then they went to kbox on 30 dec, raina's b'day too. And went to SAKURA on 31 dec with family without my brother. Was boring~ Well, today, went to sch as i thought the footdrill thing is in sch, but it was in HQ. So, headed down to HQ with jh, guo wang, yong jun and shi hui. Said bye to vicky and yuan kai before leaving and off we go.

Taught Sir kenneth, Mdm huiting, Mdm iris and Mdm yanteen to use the drill cane. Damn, i almost forgot most of it. Well, homework almost completed. But i have not studied much for the SNCO exam. Notes so thick. Vicky also said G-dragon is cool~ But i think she like Kim Hyun Joong more.Right? =D haha. And ,thanks natalie, for ur gift!=) I don't know what to write. Just hope my troubles will leave me far.See you soon, MY FRIENDS! 405! Vicky got a new handphone. Sometimes, i wonder.. do my friends tell my secrets to their parents? Because i suspected that on someone. And i totally DISLIKE IT!! k, raina is going to have a new handphone too. fine~ everyone's got a new stuff~ At least i got a new bag, but no new shoes..T__T .Edited my playlists. Listen and enjoy.

FRIENDS?

2009-12-21T23:29:00.004+08:00

I'm still freaking hell struggling! Should i or should i not drop a-maths? If i don't drop, that makes my life miserable, i can't cope at all. If i drop, i feel that i've let myself down. Who in the world can tell me what to do?!! Tears can only be flowing inside me, not infront of anyone else. Unless i trusted that person.

NVM,i shall consider that seriously. Cut myself today. Bleed~ because, i helped my mum with the groceries, which she place them in the trolley. Ihelped to carry the trolley while my sis carried the rice which weigh well, 10kg and should be the opposite. I carry the rice and she with the trolley, but she request for a change, so i lifted the trolley which the side metals just cut my thigh and gave me an incised wound. =.= My mum, she had to bring her bike back home which she parked at the void deck. Without my brother, thats my job. =( but, nvm. I shall be a filial daughter. Dad's been rather bad mood~. he's always like this. I will study hard no matter what. thats my target for year 2010. Get good results.

Do friends compete with each other? Do friends really hao lian in front of each other or they keep things within themselves and only put the "best friend" word on their mouth and not treating it real?

awesome~

2009-12-20T23:03:00.006+08:00

Had duty at Tampines north CC yesterday with the BOYS BRIGADE. Made some new friends.but all younger than me.=.= except for the leader. grouped with munee, vicky, wisely,amanda and around 5 BB guys. Beginning was a bit pissed with one of the guys.(domenic) he suck. thinking he's so cool and handsome. wth~ nvm, forget it. then did something kinda embarrassing. I was startled by a dog. because we went door to door to collect rations. Kinda meaningful as you see those people are really kind and generous.

Anyway, vicky and shi hui shopping with me. But i'm going out just for one day. because my mum said so. -_- maybe on hmm, 30th dec. maybe yuan kai's coming. oh, ruyi too.=) physics tmr.christmas coming~ Bro went to Genting today. =( He was almost late, bus should be leaving at 6am, he woke up at 6am, making his friends apologizing to the bus uncle and his friend specially woke up so early and drove him there. He manage to get on the bus before 6.15am. phew~ I miss him~hope he rmb to buy me a gift or something.and enjoy his trip.MUST WATCH 下一站，幸福. damn nice.

NEW YEAR!

2009-12-19T00:21:00.003+08:00

Soon, school is coming. My homework is half completed. Aiming to go JC, apparently, that hope is dashed. (dissapointed) So, i'm aiming for POLY, no ITE in my dictionary[sorry brother, no offence]. Bought a pair of jeans, a shirt from G2000, well, maybe going topshop to buy.depends. new year clothes haven buy full yet. so, if anyone, regardless male/female, can join me and co to shop.=) new year clothes hor,not play. those buy le, want pei me also can. like vicky, bought all dress. i think she look nice in them. no, only nice in those i choose.=) right vicky? never tell me u buy new year clothes, what fren. jk. anw, pulic duty tmr at tampines north cc. now is like 12.30am.

muscle near shoulder is hurting. ankle there hurts too. asked mum to massage my neck,she refuses.=( nvm~ i shall well, try to stretch. have been in bad mood nowadays, bad attitude to friends. sorry.shall not post myself with shades. i dun like. want see, go fb.

=)

2009-12-14T23:07:00.003+08:00

Shall post about my birthday till camp ends. Celebrated my birthday with roy and co. went to E-HUB seoul garden and vicky came along too- i invited her. ate and enjoyed. cause its the first time i went out to celebrate my birthday with friends. After that headed to pasir ris park. didn't get to meet max guan and Nicholas chua because they came late. after that walked to white sands shopping mall with yuan kai and vicky, bought what my mum told me to buy and my own birthday cake and bring it home. Enjoyed~

Camp~

well, packed bag at around 10pm and bag was very heavy. headed to school and meet up with sjab peeps. waited and board the taxi and headed to SJAB HQ. Started our training and there was triage during evening. Pitched our own tent in the carpark and i can say that although we were like last to pitch? Our tent was like the most stable.=) oh, my team consists of 2 guys and well 4 girls? second day was exhausting, couldn't do guard duty the night before =(. Had to go around singapore to complete activity, travelled and i think it was really tiring, everyone slept in the bus. After that everyone gathered at the esplanade and headed back to HQ with a mini competition. although my team was like the second last? we don't mind, because, we are a team, no abandoning one another. =) meals in the camp was horrible, canned food. bread. winning team get to have rice and coke!! 3rd day headed to pulau ubin ,slept at like 3am the night and woke up at 4.30am? then chiong and fall in. reached pulau ubin and headed to our campsite. the toilet was DISGUSTING. water came out in yellowish colour. undrinkable. after that had some hunting activity around pulau ubin , had to search for bottles,with SNCO sign. found 2 all thanks to daniel, the map reader. was so tired that i didn't even realised where i was walking. soul was like in another place and only my body is moving. had NASI LEMAK for lunch, but not every team had it. Junhao's team didn't have.because i think they did manage to find any bottles. so, my team by that time only left 2 girls. so, we got 3 packs , gave him one pack.

sharing is good. then, campfire- awesome! i enjoyed! we won the cheer competition! then we had guard duty, since we only had 2 girls, sole survivor, we had to do the duty with put team advisors. took turns. walked with mdm iris while xin yi with mdm sweet ting.halfway through, it rained so nice~back to tent. ITS WAS TOTAL DARKNESS! at least i managed to sleep a bit. last day, woke up at 4am. clear up and unpitch tent. then headed back to singapore. road march all the way from changi jetty to east view. walked the ultra long cut. and break camp!!! =D.

Now, resting and homework tmr.

=D

2009-12-09T23:25:00.002+08:00

hello! Thanks all! i'm really happy that i receive presents. =) i love all. even if just a simple message can really make me happy. anw, after cutting my hair, i don't know what exactly to wear when i go out, i'm starting to lose confidence.. =( cut means cut already, can't go back again. haiz... changed the songs on my playlist. listen to it.=) MAYBE you'll like it.camp is coming.

I just hope people can just accept my hairstyle instead of laughing and looking at me with shocked faces. I shall thanks those that i receive first.=) Thanks deedee!, vicky!, Nicholas, max, ruyi,shi hui

don't know still got who. hehe. shall buy my birthday cake myself tmr. hehe. miss me when i'm in camp.=) I'll be bak on 14th dec. released from school, i guess we'll be hiking from the jetty to east view sec -crazy. with so many stuffs. hopefully they will released at 12pm sharp.

BOOMZ~

2009-12-07T22:42:00.002+08:00

Hi, peeps. got a new haircut, its been so long since i cut till THIS length, i'm starting to dislike it because my hair is like curling all over. Bad quality hair.=( anw, birthday coming! i don't expect any presents, seriously, just a msg will do.=D. camp's coming too. and i wonder how in the world am i going to carry 4 1.5 LITRES water bottle and like 2 big bags all the way to HQ at lavender. haiz, pathetic, at least i don't have to bring uniform. =) shall post more again. byes.

hello~

2009-12-04T22:25:00.003+08:00

Being unable to sleep these few weeks. Having problems sleeping. only until 3am then will i be able to go into dreamland.Slept at 3am , woke up at 5am in the morning to prepare for sjab. Body can't take it.If camp is like this, i guess i might just collapse one of the days. Going HQ for camp for 3 nights, 1 night at pulau ubin and the nxt day, should be home sweet home. Hopefully, this camp won't be like the JUNCO camp. caz its a SNCO camp. seniors NCOs already. Shall do my best.

But , i'm really exhausted, if i were to be in a quiet place,i guess i just drop to the ground. Not confident of my commands yet, but i'll shall be by camp. I don't feel like celebrating my b'day. Think its not worth wasting time on me.and, because lack of sleep, i think my mood has been greatly affected. Lost my temper a lot of times.Sorry, vicky.i hope u understand. and i apologize to all if i offended u. Sleeping 2 hours a day and the whole day being busy for cca.anyone can be half-dead. I'm 3/4 dead. ok, tmr's last course day, in school! =) i'll do my best. =) Watched new moon with yuan kai, vicky on 3rd december. Thanks bro, help me book tickets online. after that went to tampines safra play pool~ i don't know why, but my interest in things have decrease. I just feel like being alone, but yet at the same time, i want someone to be by my side.

anw, thanks roy.you're been a great kor. thanks vicky too, for being understanding. =)JY! and, yk, your $$ is yours lah, hai yo. u nvr bring $$ doesn't relates to me. =D. ok, end here.

=D

2009-11-28T21:13:00.003+08:00

Went to take passport size photo with vicky and deedee today.=) Took and headed to Tampines mall, 77th Street. Shopped and after a long time, we decided what we wanted to buy.A beanies for max. After that headed to mini bits to shop and then to comics connection. Was dazzled by the things there. Bought some "super junior, SS501, Big Bang and DBSK " stuffs for my sister. But her reaction was not really what i expected. Was feeling a bit nauseous.

Oh, bought deedee advanced b'day gift and handed to her. And i bought____ for vernesa.HAPPY BIRTHDAY! VNS! pass it to u nxt year.Then after that vicky went home and thanks deedee!! she treated me to Ajisen, too bad we didn't manage to watch movie.=( sorry vicky, pangsei u. but i hope u like it. the card. Just a tiny effort from me.Now, i still got to settle raina, si xian and yong jun's b'day present.yong jun's present is a very belated one. hehe. Will be catching New moon on the first 3 day of december, i mean either one of the days. Who wanna join me??? SMS me please.ok, ithink not much people visits my blog. just blog for my own use.=)

2009-11-27T23:54:00.003+08:00

I HAVE SO MUCH THINGS IN MY MIND THAT I WANNA BUY! But, i just don't have the $$$ to buy it.=( haiz. $$$ When will $$$ stop appearing in my trouble list. Course day on sunday, have no idea what time to report to HQ yet. Hope this SNCO course wil not be tough as compare to our JUNCO course- OMG. i rather_______. hehe

Guess i'll try bugging my brother to buy SOME of the things i want. Maybe he will buy it? He's working, i'm not. =) I'll shall see if he really treat me good. =D Feeling a lot better, just that my throat is a bit, painful, if i shout, my voice will be hoarse and i have been coughing. man...unlucky. shall post again. My blog is plain even without pictures.

HELO!

2009-11-27T00:05:00.003+08:00

Flag day yesterday. Well, woke up at 5am, prepare and headed to school. i reach at 6.20am and ran to the toilet.Caz, i'm late!changed and headed to canteen to prepare. After that , headed to Bedok 85 and i was surprised to see that my school was the only school there.Last year, there were other schools snatching. HEHE.. I thought my tin was quite heavy already, although its not. But when i reach school, wow. There were so many people with their tins as heavy as my school bag.( jk) FAILURE. =( nvm, did my best. all those who donated were aunties. can't force them or blame them even when they donated only 5cents.

New band in korea. "BEAST" similar to big bang. like copy. haha.their song "bad girls" not bad.

2009-11-24T15:09:00.001+08:00

Watch this, its nice. i mean, sad. Confirm make you cry, unless you're cold blooded.=). I think its quite a nice show, except that some parts i really don't get it. Must watch! But i hate the one on channel u, its in chinese, sucks totally, k, flag day tmr!! reach sch by 6.15am!

Mr yeong and Ms Bel Quek's wedding!

2009-11-21T19:53:00.006+08:00

Well, went to mr yeong and ms quek wedding today.Ms quek is gorgeous!!Went to vicky's house in the morning and changed.Prepared ourselves and meet up with jue xin and co.Then, waited for the guys. Can u imagine? Guys making a group of girls wait for them.What man?Walked to the church and started viewing the photos. Handed the presents to mr yeong. Well, the pictures and videos are in my facebook.=) I'm now stressing bout vns, max guan, si xian and raina's present. But to me, hand made presents are more precious.

Vicky was gorgeous too. 305 has a lot of chio bus . I was like wow.=D I want a haircut. MY FLAG DAY IS ON 25 NOVEMBER!! BEDOK 85 =)

hello!

2009-11-20T23:29:00.003+08:00

Hello people, well, went for BBQ with friends yesterday. Played pool until siao. BBQ was for heidi! Her birthday is on saturday, Mr Benjamin Yeong and Ms Bel Quek's wedding.*whistle*Okay, i'm wearing damn simple. And i went shopping with vicky today. To buy her dress. and a bag. my masterpiece.=) ok, there's like one zilian pic of me. that shall be my last zilian pic. Cause, i was messing with my bro's hat. =) i shall upload more pics tmr.u all will see another vicky.

vicky with her dress chosen by me, she'll look awesome.

cake for heidi.

group pics not all.

finally started a fire .

ok, i love that hat.

HIHI

2009-11-15T23:56:00.005+08:00

Finally, after a long time, i get to watch this movie. Damn sad. I almost cried, cause i held back my tears. Watched it online with sis and mum. They cried, and they said i was cold-blooded. Because, my face showed no expression.=) okay, changed my blogskin, maybe changing it again. Its so difficult to find a suitable skin.Going to chalet on 19 and 21,cause i can't make it on one of the days. I think mum is going to drag me to the dental. OMG.

Training on sat was, well, alright. Except that my CPR is still weak. Do until my leg numb and my old injury pain like___. My knee are damn weak, just kneel for 10 seconds and i have to get up already. And i kneel there for like 1 whole minute for the cpr?! Blogger or google chrome caused my pictures to load halfway and restart the whole google chrome.zzz. Sorry, vicky, i think we take some pictures together in home clothes for me to upload? I don't like take pictures in school.=)

WOOHOO

2009-11-12T21:44:00.002+08:00

Went to pasir ris park with frens on tuesday. And yeah, i did learn something and enjoyed myself.I learnt how to cycle damn fast and at least move on rollerblades. Well, after that, chiong home and went outta house again. Meet up with raina to go to the musical. Well, was very late. sorry raina.Want to see the pictures, go to my facebook.=). Dad bought a new bag for me. From topshop. Because the shoes doesn't match me, so bought bag instead. but he almost quarrelled with mum in the public, over money.

I can't even eat peacefully.fACEBOOK!

bored~

2009-11-09T01:01:00.002+08:00

Being exhausted lately..No mood to care about anything. Anyway, had enhancement training right after our training. Sir Kenneth and Mdm Iris CAME DOWN TO SEE US!!! woohoo.. Miss them lots. Kept almost quiet during training cause i'm so tired!i've not slept well since last week. Vicky ,sunita and jun jie have been promoted to the rank of acting sgt. GRATZ! SGT VICKY, SGT SUNITA AND SGT JUN JIE. i think jj and vicky wanna kill me liao..

Although feel a bit kinda unhappy in my heart, i'm still happy for them. Don't tell me u all wun feel like wat i feel. At least i get over it fast. not like someone who keep complaining. I think my body is getting weaker.Who cares. I just hope my holiday feels like holiday. SNCO!! DAMN IT..i'm sure to feel weak during the camp, nervous like shit.

Ok, short post for now. I'm speechless.OH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!

2009-11-08T16:15:00.003+08:00

Hi, people.Well, found some old videos in my hp, and well, just upload it. Realised that there's so many korean and Japanese bands .DBSK, super junior, SHINee, ss501, T-max, SNSD, Wonder girls, Big bang..Alot more,according to farah. Well, i don't really have a specific favourite band, aslong as i like the music, i will love it. Well, i've not completed my a-maths homework yet.And i know i'm so not gonna make i for A-maths. Even if i understand it, when exam, my mind becomes blank, except for some question.Haiz,i'm so confused. I freak up when i see a-maths.Is there anyone who can just stay by me, just sitting by my side, watching me emo quietly.

Planned to go Pasir Ris park on tuesday, and well, should go well.

TIRED!

2009-11-05T22:48:00.002+08:00

Holidays which don't seems like holidays..What's wrong !! It's like going back to school everyday just like school days. And i even have to return back to school on saturdays. Which means i only have 1 day of real resting. Well, i may or may not be dropping my A-maths. But looking at my results, i think i would have to drop. But i'm going to do my best for the exam which will determine if i can still continue to take that damn important subject. I found out that i lost 0.5 kilograms last week. Because, i did not have enough sleep, no appetite to eat because i'm too depressed over my results. Oh, and my whole face became haggard?

But this week, i think i gained more.. My appetite increased.zzz..Never mind, i'm going to exercise. Vicky, let's go exercise.=) Thanks dee dee.. i miss you a lot..seriously..you have been like my elder sister..And thanks for still looking out for me despite not seeing each other for so long. Anyway, i have not been able to talk to a lot of people since holiday started= dee dee, my bro, seniors, some friends. Seeing my friends troubling over something, affects me too. I'm so tired. My body aching especially my neck area and i injured my leg. its been so long since i got injured, and i bleed. I fall in love with BIG BANG , SUPER JUNIOR.

I feel like playing basketball. Oh, thanks yuan kai, for your jacket. If not , i think i freeze to death already. I want go out. go rollerblading, shopping . Just want to go out with my friends!!! SNCO is coming.

SAD~

2009-10-31T22:55:00.004+08:00

Had SJAB ZONE 8 GAMES DAY! well, was kinda fun, but i just don't have the mood to play and get into the games although i seemed so happy. throughout the whole day, i was only thinking about myself, failure, disappointment. Was really really upset with myself, but for my friends, i had no choice, but to force myself-smile. My promise, i'll try to smile more often. But the more i try, the more challenges i face that make me stop smiling. Sometimes, i just want to be alone, but yet want someone to stay with me, just being by my side is enough, someone who really understands me.

Sorry bout this damn sad post. Just want to post my feelings here rather than my own personal diary which i used since primary school.I wonder, if i really is important to anyone, or i'm just a doll or toy for people to play with and throw aside when tired of me. Stress.. downloaded some songs to make myself happier. I'm really exhausted. Really. But i know, i have true friends. Always with me. I think i have a real weird character, but who cares. I try my best to change. K, no matter what, my brother is still the best, maybe my sister too. I don't care what people think of him, how minor he is, he is still my brother.

CLASS OUTING!

2009-10-29T20:43:00.006+08:00

Went to East Coast Park for class outing today.I love this kind of outing, everyone gathering around, playing together, eating together.It feels so HOME, and warm.Everyone with smiles on their faces. Make me remember it always. I'm always remember those memories that i think is important to me, those that make me enjoy a lot. Played police& thief for the first games and some went to play volleyball. Ran with all my might, in the end, injured my toe and the police were all exhausted, causing the game to end so sudden. After that, everyone gathered and started eating. Our class brought a lot of food, i think it was worth it. Bringing a lot of stuffs to the place as if we are having camp, in the end, everyone enjoyed the food.Whereas the other classes, empty-handed, had no food to enjoy and only stare at our class with envy.

Was feeling giddy since morning, maybe due to the lack of sleep these few days. I seriously don't know what i'm stressing about. About what my sister asked me? Don't i feel lonely, always keeping to yourself, being quiet about everything. Friends having problems which affects me too, how people treat me. I'm so getting used to the environment, being ignored, having no one that who really understands me totally.But at least i had someone to talk to, a listening ear.K,back to the topic, giddy, almost fall onto the sand.Cycled with roy, wanted to paly rollerblades actually, but roy seems so lonely, so had no choice, accompanied him. Cycled so far just to buy a bottle of water and we passed by around 2 shops which sold water! darn roy.

BODY WORLD!

2009-10-28T21:12:00.004+08:00

Went to body world today..well, was feeling sick early morning, maybe because i only slept for around 2 hrs? neck became stiff. Anyway, was kinda enjoying in the exhibition..=) its cool, but raina had to leave to have a breathe. she was looking pale.. poor girl, went to test my blood pressure, I HAVE LOW BLOOD PRESSURE..shi hui's pressure is abnormal. The whole science centre was like damn crowded..During the journey back to school, slept and my head almost hit against vicky's shoulder.haha..the bus uncle was like turning rounds and rounds,maybe because he is a new driver? No cameras were allowed in the exhibition, so too bad. Tomorrow, we will be going to EAST COAST PARK..i wish i can go rollerblade! Holiday homework piling up.damn it.

I'll try to go meet up with you to go run, russell.hehe. blue hanger!

2009-10-23T22:20:00.002+08:00

Got back results..wasn't well done..especially my physics!!!! E-MATHS!! others are alright..i don't want to post out my results- sucky..OK, went to E-hub with raina, vicky, shi hui, yuan kai, zhi zheng yesterday and woots..it was fun.Because, we played the mini-rider 2..cool..sat twice= $6. 1 ride cost $6, so we shared among two people and 1st time i sat with raina, second time with yuan kai..my habit- grab ppl hand damn tight..and those sitting beside me always suffer..

for videos, go to facebook and view,=)..cause the videos were sent to raina from me to upload..

In school, well, nothing much lah. Just that i wanna apologise to mr goh..I'M SRY, TEACHER..I LET U DOWN..i feel so damn full of remorse..haiz, feel as if i owe mr go a lot..but teacher, ure always a great teacher. YEAH! wednesday going to SCIENCE CENTRE"BODY WORLD" and thursday class outing to SENTOSA! i hope i pass my the other subjects left.

Today, went to raina's condominium and played POOL..finally, i didn't just sit there and watch them play..at least i played.Learnt how to play from raina and yuan kai teacher.. pros..played till like 4.30pm++ and then went home..at least i learnt something..! THANKS RAINA.

i just random snap.

two models.pros.

staff iris and vicky,she cried after this.miss them.

vicky requested me to take her picture with shi hui

GROUP PIC AT E-HUB.

Oh, was a bit sad during recess..cause of staff iris and staff kenneth..Got a hug from both of them..=) man, i feel warm..really, heartwarming..but vicky was emotional..yeah, understand..vicky, cheer up! jy, ____ is in ur heart can le..AND MY CLASS PICTURE WAS AWFUL! god damn, i wonder whats wrong sia. i was expecting it to be a nice one..it turns out to be as ugly as my sec 2 and sec 1..=.= shall post again after wednesday..

EXAMS-OVER!!

2009-10-20T19:52:00.002+08:00

Finally, exam is over! Thrown to the back of my head..Now, is the results.damn it, i gt a bad feeling bout this time rounds exam. I studied hard enough for all my subjects except for my a-maths..This time exam is important!! pray hard...okay, anyway, went out today with raina and co. well, wasted like 2 hours in my house, girls are like that..haha.. reached the location at around 3pm? not sure..and started eating..not really a good choice of place to eat..but still acceptable except for the payment part..raina and i keep making food for each other..in the end we got real sick of the food..caz we took too much of the same type of food.

sry zhi wei, causing him to pay majority of the payment..not the first time i make people pay.although i dislike it somehow..after that went to play pool..As usual , sat at a side , watching them play..oh, thxs bro, for helping me..although you are rather "qian bian" at times..after that around 6.30pm went home..damn bus..missed the bus and reached home aroud 7.30pm..see..darn that bus..i hope i can go out with all my friends..=) vicky, don't fret anymore..cheer up..and cherish time..you'll understand, don't ask the obvious. I'm so going to buy new clothes, going to change my style of dressing..ladylike..haha..

HELLO!

2009-10-10T22:30:00.005+08:00

i kinda like this photo..caz its being a long time since i taken pic.

hi, PPL.. Just starting with exam..english paper is over, nxt is mother tongue and physics..over stress..anw, have been in love with G-Dragon from BIG-BANG.

Isn't he cool? haha..Life have been tough recently..Having a lot of troubles..wanted to have a listening ear.. but guess so far no, except one..Now, only thing i want to focus on = EXAM! damn important..jy ppl..hope to post soon..Thanks heidi, for being my personal counciller.=]