Back again, probably the rare few posts I'll be making before I have my official start of internship on Monday, 23rd September.

Basically, these few days, I've been happy:) trip to pulau ubin with the people special to me on Monday was fun, memorable. Even though it was tiring, it was enjoyable. Thank you :D and basically, most of the activities I wanted to do, was being done. Making me real satisfied and happy. And all these, I've got to thank one person for it. My Mr N. I can't express how thankful I am, it's been long since I last felt so blessed to have someone willing to do all these for me.

For today, in actual fact, I've been cooping quite a lot of things inside me, friends stuff, internship, family. I simply can't put all these problems to words, I can only think and think, all day about all those. Like why can't I just do better, why are things being like this? But I don't know why, each time i see him, I'm happy. I just feel more comfortable, more relaxed. Didn't actually thought that alcohol in dramas being used as some stress reliever, is really true in real life. I enjoyed myself, got to admit, I didn't really plan or intend to stop drinking, but I know now, how strong my alcohol tolerance is.   I simply didn't think of anything, after effects or whatever, just wanted to have fun, forget about all even just for a while, just abandon everything for that period of time. Perhaps I'm thinking that with him around, everything will be fine. Taking for granted that he will always be there to help me, take care of me. Because that's what I have been doing, caring for myself and all until he came into my life :)

I still feel like I've just lost my soul, my stomach is feeling as if I have a grinding machine inside. My head is heavy, I feel sleepy. My habit of sleeping, is really the worse of the worse. I swear. So, apparently, I've let him see all kinds of weird, unglamourous side of me. Like I wonder, what did he actually look at in me. But I can say, I'm falling for him slowly, bits by bits, more and more.  Making me doing things usually won't do, things that.. Just aren't expected from a person, like me. And perhaps because of that, expectations are higher, so.. well.. Which creates the fear in me of losing all these anytime. im just scared.
I love you.



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