Camp basically ended. Two camps, one after another. I almost died in class. Was so exhausted that i could hardly focus in class and help in the group work. But i find it worthwhile for the SNCO camp and Junco. I did my best in both camp. Trying my best to perform my duty well. Since secondary one, i was hardly given any chance to be the I/C ,only once for junco.And i've never really planned any activities or events before in my entire secondary school life.

So, i know that when i come back to help sjab, i will definitely face a lot more problems. And indeed, it happened. Unable to help Mdm iris and Sir kenneth when i can see that they are really really busy. And i know i'm not a good instructor, but i tried to. Unlike other instructors, they're good instructors. Like sir kenneth and mdm iris, who have been guiding me since i was in secondary 1. They're the one who helped me and listened to me when i have trouble doing and completing tasks. And i wanted to be like them. But, i can't. I tried other ways and i believe i did changed compared to last time. Not speaking at all. Received feedbacks that i'm not loud enough and i'm somehow mummbling to myself. That comment hurts me. i didn't know i have speech problem. I was literally shouting.

Well, Delta have now become instructors, they're good. Till now, i respect every senior instructors in evss and i try my best to be as formal as possible. Simple request to book out and i gained back a very cold look and asking me to wait till she change her clothes. That made me stunned. I realised, i may have to find out the cause of this, a junior talking to me like this. wow. That is alright, but before that i was having some emotional problems, so i was already at the tip of my head, and thats it. I just walked off. Because i know she's a instructor already, i can't do anything much but to wait till i calm down another time.

Congrats, vernesa and junkiat. last long! I missed my friends. I missed the times where Bravo07 is still tgt in sjab. I won't feel out like now. Now, i have only vicky, justin and ruyi that i can really talk to. Okay, maybe just vicky whom i really really can talk to. When vicky's not there, i can only find mdm iris or sir kenneth. But after yesterday, i can't lift my head up to even look and talk to them. Have to reflect on myself and keep improving.

ps: dee dee, i know.. how it feels, so trapped, wanting to talk to them but you can't now. And you just can't forget about it. But remember, there's no point staying like this, being upset for them, if they treat you as friends, they'll contact you and apologise . Thats what i feel. or else, they won't be bothered' I know that what i say maybe useless, but thats what i feel. you still have me.I'm sorry that i can't stay by your side.

vicky, we've been through so much together, and till now, i can still remember, and i can understand and feel how you are feeling.Don't worry, we'll improve ourself and lets notthink of the negative things, we have to improve, tgt.



/