Christina Aguilera - Hurt
Sunday, April 24, 2011 | 12:07 AM | 0 hearts♥
I think I'm trying too hard in poly to try and get a A for my grade, trying to perform well. Because everything i do in RP, all ends up in my grade and that's could be why I'm so kiasu now, everyday thinking about grades and my classmates are like so worried about their grades, i can even feel the aura, the strong competitiveness. Because my school of hospitality especially my course, Hotel and hospitality, its very very competitive. All this scares me every time i think about it.
I guess, that's when i start to have difficulty managing my time, resulting in me, now, unable to have a proper talk with friends, family. My lesson starts at 8.30am everyday, just the travelling tires me and then 3.30pm it ends and i will have to stay in school to complete my daily compulsory work: peer and self evaluation, a quiz and a reflection journal(RJ) ,total 4 stuffs. So, by the time i completes it and head home, it be around 8pm+.
And today, i realized, my mum and dad is getting weaker, and they suddenly seemed to aged so much, my mum used to be able to stand for hours without complains, my dad can used to walk normally but now, my mum have to find a seat every half an hour because her legs and feet hurts a lot, my dad now walks with a bit of a limp. When i see that, my heart just sank... and you guys know the feeling?
And also, i promised my friends, i promised to attend everyone's birthday, but see , what did i do? I didn't go to Yiling's birthday! What kind of friend am i? I think i'm not even regarded as friend. I wished i could go, i wished i could join in, at least be there even though i always just sit at one corner and just watch them happy. Just minor stuffs can make me feel so miserable, how bout this one? Unable to go to a friend's birthday is a major thing for me. Because i'm rarely being invited to birthdays. And when i was invited to Dee dee's birthday, no one knows how happy i am. Because i don't show it. But i always remember it. So, now to me, friend's birthday is important, of course mine too. Mine is when mum will say happy birthday! in the morning when i wake up, every year.I feel so miserable, guilty..I told my mum that i wanted to go friend's birthday, but she wanted me to go to the temple. I know my mum's health is ...so i didn't want to argue with her. And when dee dee called me today, i really didn't dare to speak..I heard her voice, i know she sounded like dissappointed. If they let me pay the cake money, at least i know i at least have a small share. But i did nothing. Nothing. And its yiling's 18th birthday. 18TH!! see how important it is?
My god. I'm so sorry. sorry.I'm so scared of school. Heard from people that i looked haggard after First day of school. Just imagine its just 4 days of school and i already look half dead?
My friends not with me, only shi hui. Just going for lunch stresses me up. I don't know who to go with, this kind of minor stuffs kills me. Shi hui or new classmates? Shi hui have her friends too. And now i have sjab stuffs to do too. I guess i won't sleep well tonight.
Please god, please let me get through this with someone's help.