Wednesday, March 23, 2011 | 12:51 AM | 0 hearts♥
Went to Rp today, in the end the laptop i wanted to buy was out of stock. zz. preorder it and have to go down AGAIN another day. damn. So, was quite pissed by the sales person. His attitude is abit... idk . Maybe because of my brother. lol. So, brother accompanied shi hui and i to have lunch at the canteen. wow, there's like don't know how many foodcourts. After that traveled back to Tampines and shi hui and i alighted first. Then actually planned to catch a movie but there was no movie to watch. lol. so we wanted to visit vicky at her workplace but by the time we walked to the bus stop, she called me and told me that she ended work. zzSo, shi hui and i walked back to Tampines mall, then century square's customer service to sit down and waste time. Then we decided to watch red riding hood with yong jun and jun jie at 9pm. Before that, we talked and talked, i wanted a MP3, i like listening to music. And i have been wanting one since sec 1. Used up a lot of money today. Heartache. Dinner at AJISEN and deedee was a work. hehe, actually i knew she was working and dragged shi hui there. Since she haven't tried it before.
Enjoyed my meal , bid farewell and walked off. I want a backpack. A mp3, more clothes.Now my hair, have to temporary dye black. Since my mum let me dye, herbal dye, not chemical ones. Hope course day goes smoothly. I still feel lost this few days, without my friends. I'm like losing my soul or something. Totally have no idea what i'm doing until i come back to my senses. Like the other day, i just walked to my sister table and took her book and walked off , leaving her stunned. Then i reached the kitchen turned back and place it back on her table. She tapped me and then i woke up. I sleep like some log, my mum tried to wake me up by wacking me for almost 30 mins non stop, but i just stay still, then she shouted, all kind of methods doesn't work.
So she just leave me there unless i have activities like sjab, she just shout you're late!! your training! i just shoot up and grab my glasses. weird right? I feel so uncomfortable when i'm in the poly, like i don't belong there. so weird again. Sometimes, i watch movies, dramas, clips, i thing about myself, reflect on what i have been doing, past or present and remember all the sad, horrible moments, i thought of my friends, my family, how my friends stood up for me and for the first time, i feel that, really feel that i can have true friends. Helping me when i'm weak and can't defend myself, when i got accused by teacher, when my results suck like hell, when my parents quarrel and scold me.
Sometimes thinking of the very sad things, my mum almost left us, wanting to abandon the house, us, leaving dad. I remember quarreling with friends, small quarrels and those times when my friends yell at me, or ignore me, giving me cold shoulders, all these make my heart aches. I can't stand this kind of things, too much for my heart. But i know everyone have this kind of times. Isn't it? So, i thought about it, and i realised why i have been those "Emo " type of girl. When my friends give me cold shoulders, i'm on my own, so.. i just keep quiet, not showing any actions but just write letters or send a msg to know what happened. Almost everything i did was just actions and not verbal.
Or i just let things be that way and keep to myself. i know mum knows when i'm sad. My face does show it, when she ask me if i want food, i ignore her and daze. That's when i'm sad and don't disturb me. Brother knows it too. But there was just this once when i was rude to him. Because i was just too upset by my dad. He yelled at me over the phone just because i didn't buy his dinner. And bro was like, " what happened? did dad mention me?" i just said" me lah, not you lah, always like that" stare at him and walked off. he knows and just " okay.."
Thank you friends when i show my temper, when i show my attitude, you endured it and treat it as nothing. Thank you my family. I sometimes just forgot how lucky i am . Thank you my dearest friend, sister. I can't expressed it face to face, really can't. But i use actions, buying cards, and just passing it to you is enough to make me so shy until.... i can't talk. I want you to know, i treat you like my older sister. Who always care for me. And the love and kindness you gave me, i wanted to pass it to others, let it spread and i know you're my model. =) I treat juniors like sister, let them learn their mistakes. Want the best for them.
Although i scold my little sis in front of others,i don't care, i do have my reasons for doing that, i want her to know that not everyone will treat her nicely and i dote her the most. Whenever i see something nice, i thought of my friends, who to buy for and my little sis and family. But $$.zz Have to save money now.