Tuesday, March 8, 2011 | 2:09 AM | 0 hearts♥
I'm angry at myself, for being so weak. Lack in so many things. And yet i can't do anything to be better. People always look down on me. People thinks i quiet and being rude when i don't talk or reply them. But they don't know the real reason behind it. I HAVE a reason. Be it tired, can't be bothered or angry..whatever. there's a reason. sometimes, i'm just..dissapointed in them. I did my best to keep my friends, and i wanted to have true friends. I don't want the past to haunt me again. Always being controlled by my friends, being bullied and have to cry alone in a corner. I can't even cry loudly at home. Now, i always hold back my tears if i can.. But i'll make sure i don't make a single sound at all.
This is me.. My confidence level is low.. self esteem.. Yeah, i don't smile. Maybe i do, but rarely.I only talk to people whom i'm real close with. But now, i'm tryin my best to open up first. I'm lacking in a lot of things. I don't have much experience. I hated when people fight or quarrel, i just can't stand it. I always wanted to spend time with friends, or enjoying the night view, sunset, go to the beach. But my wish, was that my family can stay together, without quarrel and let them be able to know me. Not even my mum, knows when i'm feeling down, real down when i really need somebody to talk to. Thats how distant i am with my family.
I don't speak up to family, i keep everything to myself, i have been doing things on my own such as homework since young, with no one to consult. Now, OTC camp is on friday, and i don't know what's going to happen. I just feel this way out of sudden and that's why i'm writing out here... I love to keep things, cause i feel that it's important. Sometimes, people tend to forget my presence.. and forgot my feelings. I try to be optimistic, but it doesn't work for me. I dote my sister, i love my family and i try to show it but failed as they don't feel it at all...